Both Father’s Day and Mother’s Day are holidays that I no longer say in celebration to strangers.
It really started with Mother’s Day for me. When I was a small child, it was a “requirement” for me to attend church every Sunday with my mother and her mother. There were no exceptions to the rule, except Mother’s Day. Faithfully, ever Mother’s Day through my childhood, my mother and my maternal grandmother would not attend church but find another fun activity instead.
For years, we would watch motorcycles drive past Wyoming and Ford Road during a motorcycle safety rally and then have a dinner of seafood my mother prepared.
Several years later, the pieces began to fit into place.
Stacey Winconek is the web editor at Metro Parent Magazine in Detroit. For National Infertlity Awareness week Winconek wrote about her and her husband’s struggle with infertility. I met Winconek in Wayne State University’s Journalism Department and I had read her article about infertility.
This year, as Mother’s Day approached, I’m not ashamed to admit, I found my depression resurging, despite my medication. Since my grandmother passed in 2013, Mother’s Day hasn’t been the same; it’s difficult trying to find creative ways to keep my mom’s grief at bay while managing my own.
Days before Mother’s Day, Facebook allowed for people to change their profile pictures in honor of the day and to support Susan G. Koman. One of the cultural changes we’ve experienced due to social media is the public celebration of holidays and birthdays. Therefore, I expected there would be various posts about Mother’s Day on May 8.
According to History.com, the American celebration was created by Anna Jarvis in 1908 and became an official holiday in 1914. Later, Jarvis began to denounce the celebration as commercialized and wanted it removed from the calendar. However, Mother’s Day is still celebrated in America, generally on the second Sunday in May.
It wasn’t until my cousin, posted on his Facebook page that I begin to realize how difficult Mother’s Day can actually be for some people. According to my cousin, Quran Butler, his childhood was horrible. His grandma, who he calls Nana, took custody of him in 2005, giving him the love and support he needed to flourish.
After reading Winconek’s article and Butler’s status, I can’t freely tell women “Happy Mother’s Day” any longer. It’s not out of malice that I won’t utter those three words. It is because not every one has the opportunity to have a supportive, loving mother, not every one has the opportunity to easily become a mother, not everyone has the opportunity to celebrate with their mother.
Out of sensitivity and understanding, I have chosen not to force my own appreciation for mothers and fathers onto others. Although I like to take the opportunity to celebrate Mother’s Day with all of the wonderful mothers in America, I am careful around others because I’ve been awakened to the possibility Mother’s Day isn’t a day to celebrate for them.
Father’s Day is a similar holiday and since I’ve been awakened to the possibility of Mother’s Day not being a celebratory day for many; I’ve come to understand the same is true for Father’s Day.
I was spared the embarrassment of creating an art project for my “father” since it occurred after the school year ended. However, one year in Sunday School, we created projects for our “fathers.” Most of my friends in the class had both parents at home. So, I had no idea what to do with my project.
After my dad passed, I noticed many single mothers, or children of single mothers, would use Father’s Day as a highlight their position. For me, even though I didn’t know what to do with my project from Sunday School, I never wanted to celebrate my mother on Father’s Day.
What I didn’t know at the time is, I had an opportunity to celebrate my mother as a single parent on March 21. According to the Huffington Post, Former President Ronald Reagan designated the day for single parents in 1984.
Next March I’ll probably celebrate my mother instead of on Mother’s Day since it no longer holds the same flavor for either of us. I look forward to the day I have my own kids and I can reclaim some of that flavor for both my mother and myself.
But if life takes me in a path similar to the Winconek’s, I know I’ll have more awkward days of being on the receiving end of “Happy Mother’s Day” or “Happy Father’s Day” from people who aren’t aware there is nothing “Happy” about either days for me.
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