Burnout on a university campus isn't cute. It looks different for all of us, but I like to think that there are some commonalities: --Class starts to feel less like a privilege and more like a dreary obligation --"I'll take What is Sleep? for 200" --You can't recall your last balanced meal, outfit or conversation --If you could just get to Friday. And then next Friday. And then next Friday...
When I fall into a rut like this, it's extremely difficult for me to recognize that the burnout has already begun. I always push myself until I physically can't push any further. "I'm just working hard," I always convince myself.
I start capitalizing on my time: I place phone calls while unlocking my bike. I meet with residents while cleaning my room. I design email marketing campaigns during lectures and draft networking emails while waiting in line for coffee. Shockingly, I'm rewarded for this behavior: The roommate crises are successfully resolved, the campaigns reach high open rates, my résumé is well-received and I make steady advancements toward a career in film. "I'm working smart," I wager.
But then I hit a dead end. Most recently, it looked like a complete shut-down of my immune system, to the point where I couldn't comfortably sit up to put on a sweatshirt, much less edit an interview or sell USC Annenberg to prospective students.
I spent the weekend hibernating, then crawling, then walking in a slow-mo, Vicks & IcyHot-scented, DayQuil x Tylenol-powered daze. I stayed in. I consciously ate my first smart meals in weeks. I passed on one lecture to get some much-needed rest. I started admitting that I couldn't do all that was expected of me in the state I had fallen into.
If I'm not working Well, my body will issue a cease-and-desist order to my brain, muscles, vocal cords and white blood cells. I can't do my homework if I can't focus and I can't focus if I haven't slept. I can't innovate if I'm not happy and I'm not happy on an empty stomach. I can't visit studios if my body is screaming for a break. I can't advocate for enhanced representations of minorities in film without my voice. There isn't enough oral anesthetic in the world to remedy that.
I'm not so naïve as to believe that this recent burnout will completely, permanently convince me to stop working myself into the ground. I can't deny that I love being busy. But it will remind me to take care of myself every day, not just when I feel Unwell. This could look like:
--Feeding my spirit w/ photography, movie-going and the company of brilliant peers --Meditating for 15 minutes (guided mindfulness can make it feel like an hour) --Deciding not to book up every blank space on my calendar with activity --Addressing stress and pain before it snowballs, not after the avalanche
I want to share this in the hopes that someone like me will read this, hit pause and start working Well. Are you and I in the same boat? Are you working Hard, Smart and Well?
#StudentVoices