I feel like everyone on earth is full of invisible scars….
Scars left from battlegrounds that have taken place within their lives that have inevitably molded them into the being the person who they are today.
I feel like I have scars, too. They are wounds of untold stories of inadequacies and vulnerabilities from years ago. Many of those feelings stem from my eating disorders. It is only now that I can share this idea with you of ‘what makes us vulnerable makes us beautiful’ because of realizing the power of vulnerability…the power that can come from sharing your story.
In our society, we are constantly wrapped around this idea of perfection. We are told we need to have the perfect body, the perfect career, the perfect mate, etc., etc. etc. So anytime that we feel like we have imperfections, we beat ourselves up or we feel inadequate. This is evident from all of those ‘silently’ battling eating disorders, cutting themselves, managing suicidal thoughts, and more.
But, I’ve realized you cannot be whole (meaning your true self which is a being wanting to love and to be loved) while you are trying to be perfect.
A couple of weeks ago, I came across this TED Talk that I had seen before called The Power of Vulnerability led by researcher Brené Brown. She studies human connection — our ability to empathize, belong, and love.
One thing she said was quite powerful: “We are the most obese, addicted, and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history,” she said. “You cannot selectively numb emotion. Here’s fear, here’s disappointment. I’m going to have beers, and a banana nut muffin. You can’t numb those feelings without numbing the other feelings or emotions. So when we numb those we numb joy, gratitude, and happiness and then we look for purpose and meaning and then we enter the cycle again. The way to live is with vulnerability. We need to help each other realize that we are worthy to be loved and to be vulnerable. Deeply believe and love with you whole heart. Practice gratitude and joy. Believe that we’re enough.”
This hit me so hard: What if the one thing holding many of us back from loving ourselves and loving each other is numbness, fear of vulnerability? What if we could actually help each other, especially youth and young adults, by being more understanding, loving and compassionate?
Brown noted greats ideas that I’m going to paraphrase: Vulnerability is an emotional risk, exposure, uncertain, power. It’s our most accurate measurement of courage. To be vulnerable and to let ourselves be seen. To be honest. It’s not comfortable, but it is necessary. The willingness to be open is important in changing the world. We need to do things where there are no guarantees. We need to invest in things that may or may not work out. It’s fundamental. Many think this is betrayal against yourself, but it’s not.
So, instead of being discouraged to be vulnerable and to share our true feelings because we feel like it would make us look terrible, maybe we should share who we are… all of our imperfections… and embrace them.
Being vulnerable is not a weakness; on the contrary, it’s our greatest strength! It’s the one factor that inevitable connects us all.
During her talk, a few other ideas she notes are: We live in a vulnerable world. We have to talk about shame. Shame drives thoughts of never being good enough and also, who do you think you are. It’s a focus on you. Shame is highly associated with eating disorders, alcoholism, and other issues. Secrecy, silence and judgment only make shame worse. The two most powerful words that we can say when we are in struggle are ‘me too.’ If we are going to find our ways back to each other, it will be by saying ‘me too.’ That happened to ‘me too.’
You see, we are all connected. We all impact each other. Instead of trying to hold onto our experiences and life lessons for ourselves, we need to share our life experiences with each other. By doing so, we might save a life.
Have the courage to be imperfect and have the courage to be vulnerable because ultimately, what makes you vulnerable is what makes you beautiful.
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