Nothing is certain.
Yes, it seems like an obvious thing to know, especially when one is in her thirties, but I think subconsciously I was keeping this inconvenient truth at bay. Of course, knowing the outcome of every life situation is, not only unrealistic, but boring. Daily curveballs and surprises are good for growth. I believe we learn our greatest lessons when life catches us off guard, but when it happens to you, you realize sorely, “I’m not prepared for this!”
Every day we encounter challenges and victories, and there’s nothing like the approaching end of the year and thoughts of New Year’s resolutions to trigger major self-reflection. I’ve had my share of small triumphs and not-so-shining moments. I was laid off from a job for the first time ever in my life. It was a position as an assistant editor for a website. I was given a polite two-week notice and had no idea how to process that I would soon be out of work. Like many people in this situation, I had no backup plan, no side gigs lined up to tide me over until I could find something substantial.
I have a passion for writing and because of this my career pursuits eventually led me to work in the editorial industry, after nearly 10 years in the retail business which I loathed. This job was my foot in the door. Prior to that, I went back to school to obtain my M.A. in English and started a blog that I quickly abandoned after the first few articles I published. Although I enjoy putting pen to paper, or rather fingers to keyboard in this millennium, I wasn’t doing much of it prior to landing that editor position.
And, to be honest, I wasn’t completely happy in that role.
I thought once I found a job in my chosen profession I’d feel fulfilled and would have the extra motivation to pursue my creative writing goals simultaneously, but that was not the case – at all.
After the initial excitement of being in an editorial role wore off, I discovered the job left a lot to be desired. Not necessarily the writing and editing part, but other factors. Plus, I was too mentally drained at the end of the work day to attempt any writing of my own.
Soon after it happened, I realized being laid off was the best thing that could have happened to me, a blessing in disguise. I had become too comfortable and had ceased to go after my greater ambitions. Where had my drive gone? In Lewis Carroll’s “Through the Looking-Glass,” the Mad Hatter tells Alice, “‘You’re not the same as you were before,’ he said. ‘You were much more… muchier… you’ve lost your muchness.’” That’s how I felt, until recently.
Since I hadn’t done any freelance projects before, I knew I had to make building a writing portfolio a top priority. After about a couple of weeks of not working, a magazine I’m a fan of was accepting submissions for its upcoming issue. It was not paying for editorial work, but it was guaranteed exposure in the print and digital issues. I went for it and they decided to feature what I sent in.
Like that, I had a piece of my work published!
There *is* light at the end of this tunnel.
I’m continuing to beef up my portfolio and job searching, which I know will take some time, but I know what I want, and what I will and will not settle for. Although steady work pays the bills, it doesn’t have to be soul-sucking labor and ultimately, it should make you happy. I don’t know what to expect going into the New Year, but I do know I’ll have gained back more of my muchness and will not put my dreams on the backburner.
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