Everyone in our culture has a hard time saying no. I’ve found that the ability to purposefully, deliberately, and strategically eliminate the nonessentials is easier said than done.

The most successful people constantly reduce, focus and simplify their lives to produce the highest return on their time. It’s not just about getting rid of the obvious time wasters, but being willing to cut out what seem to be terrific opportunities as well. Few have the courage to do this, which is what I think differentiates successful people from very successful people.

Truth: Very successful people are absurdly selective.

Warren Buffet is credited with having said,

The difference between successful people and very successful people is that very successful people say no to almost everything.

Saying no is both an art and science. The approach depends on your prior relationship and the context with the person whose request you are considering. Here’s a simple 3-step process I’ve started using:

1. Listen.

You should assume any request you receive is important to the person asking (or else they wouldn’t be asking). Get to the heart of what they’re asking and why it matters to them. Respect the time they spent summoning your help by truly understanding what it is they are looking for.

2. Evaluate.

Take a moment and analyze their request. There is no need to jump the gun with an immediate yes or no. Evaluate what you’re trying to accomplish, and gauge if saying yes will further or inhibit those goals. It’s important not to be shortsighted and to think about the long-run implications of your decision.

3. Get to the point.

This one is easy, but often done wrong. Don’t waste their time or yours. Once you’ve decided to move forward with an opportunity, let them know. If not, JUST SAY NO. Practice different polite but assertive ways of doing this that contain no elaborate explanation or workaround. Here are a few examples:

• “I can’t this time.”
• “Sorry — not today.”
• “That won’t work for me right now — but I’ll get back to you if anything changes.”
• “I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I’ve just got too much on my plate.”

How do you say ‘no’?