I recently gained a lot of weight in not a lot of time.
This has mostly been achieved by snacking like there’s no tomorrow…because maybe there won’t be. If there is one thing I’ve learned in over four years of disordered eating, it’s that life is full of constant change, and it’s best to be fluid with it.
Four years ago, I was trying to control my life by controlling what and when I ate. But you know what? Life kept changing. Despite the perceived control I was executing over my appearance, things in my life were moving. I graduated high school, moved two hours away and attended college, learned about others and myself, studied for exams, declared a major, accidentally chose a minor, bought a car, laughed, cried, loved, made promises, and broke promises. Then I graduated college, moved 2 hours back home, started a new job, and gained a lot of weight.
The changes in my body seem obvious to me, but others tell me they barely notice, and what change is evident is lovely. A struggle in gaining for me is the identity I feel I lose with every new inch added to my body. No longer will I be identified by the way I look: that girl who’s soooo skinny! Now though, reflecting on this, I don’t know why that identity was the one to which I was so attached.
Just like life, your body must change and your identity changes too. Each day and even each hour there is a difference to note or not to note. Whether you acknowledge it or not, the changes will continue, and fluidity will be your saving grace to survive the river of life…
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