When we’re immersed in problems, it is difficult to appreciate the fullness of life since our difficulties can be consuming. For example, reflect on a significant problem you experienced five years ago? Perhaps it caught you off-guard because you weren’t expecting it and suddenly you are dealing with an issue outside your comfort zone?
Whatever the case, when problems occur our resistance is often a sign of where growth is taking place. Problems force us to confront the issue facing us, so we rise above it. There may be something we’re unaware of taking place behind the scenes and it is a matter of waiting for the pieces of the puzzle to come together. Does this make sense to you, insofar as our first reaction is not entirely accurate? In fact, it would be remiss of you not to experience these emotions, however you may want to channel them into more effective ways to overcome what is taking place. One way we can better deal with issues that arise unexpectedly is to ask: “What could be going on behind the scenes I’m unaware of?”
As alluded to earlier, we seldom have a correct picture of the real issue until it develops further. Have you noticed that sleeping on a pressing problem often gives you new insights to overcome it the following day? Psychologists call our initial response to problems catastrophising, namely the irrational thoughts of overstating a situation to be worse than it is. To illustrate this, you may be travelling to work one morning and receive a speeding ticket and get annoyed with the law enforcement officer for issuing it. You might ruminate on the unfairness of it when you were only driving 10% over the speed limit. However, as the weeks go by, you reflect how the incident taught you to slow down rather than be in a hurry, causing a possible accident or injury to a pedestrian or cyclist. What we’re unable to see at the time is the path that follows in the wake of the problem. We are blinded by the issue and focus our attention on ways to solve the problem without weighing how it can be benefit us.
Therefore, we ought to take a longer view of life and not allow ourselves to become absorbed in our problems, otherwise we’re putting out spot fires as they occur. Do you know people like this? They seem to go from one problem to another and bemoan their lot in life, believing they are hard done by. They believe the source of their power lies outside of them and there’s no use contesting it because life is unfair. But this is not the truth since when we relinquish our power, we lose the capacity to solve our problems and gain the confidence to rise above them. Every time you expose yourself to a problem, irrespective of its scope and nature, you give yourself permission to draw on your inner wisdom to solve it. Each time you overcome a problem, your mental and emotional resiliency grows in proportion to what you are dealing with. It compounds when you confront the issue instead of sweeping it under the carpet. Does this makes sense to you? Can you see how leaning into your problems is the only way to transcend them? It is what many leadership experts mean when they say: what you resist persists.
Author and psychotherapist David Richo captures this sentiment perfectly when he writes in The Five Things We Cannot Change: “We worry because we do not trust ourselves to handle what happens to us. We worry because we do not trust that the way the chips fall will work out for the best. We worry because we have not yet said yes.” There is a great truth in that message since our resistance to what is taking place fuels our pain and suffering, not the problem itself. When we approach our problems with an open mind, we activate our power to overcome it, even if it may not eventuate as we expect. We use every ounce of willpower, and courage knowing what we give our attention to, will yield a favourable outcome. We must learn to rise above our problems by engaging with what is most affecting us.
Running away from problems does little to summon our inner power, it keeps us trapped in a victimhood mindset. Are you comfortable with this idea that what we don’t use, we lose? This is not who you are. You have a greater inner resource waiting to be called upon but you must use it in the same way you perform strength training in a gym. We can’t expect to show up, lift weights and call it quits because it was difficult. We must keep showing up three or four times a week and consistently do the work over weeks and months and eventually our body will show the result of our hard work. And so it is of our life’s challenges. We ought to show up to life with an open mind and a soft heart knowing what we give our energy and attention to will allow us to conquer our problems.
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