I grew up on a farm in small town Iowa. I am the youngest child in my family, or as everyone else likes to call me, “the baby.” I grew up playing with American Girl dolls, dancing, cutting the lace off my girly socks because that wasn’t “cool” and wearing red-lined superman underwear with my older brother, Joel.
Trigger warning: Descriptions of eating disordered behavior.
As I got older, I kept dancing and eventually I started playing sports like basketball and volleyball. I also struggled for years with anorexia nervosa.
During my battle with ED, I met with an eating disorders specialist, who became the first person I could be fully honest with about struggle with anorexia. She became a great comfort to me during this difficult time.
My specialist was the first person who truly understood what was going on in my head and was able to put it into words to help my family understand.
I told her, “I don’t know why I can’t overcome this fear of gaining weight, but I just can’t. It controls my life and I can’t help it. People think I am crazy for not eating but they just don’t understand what my mind is saying.”
She understood what I was saying and let me know that she got it: “Just like how someone can’t explain why they are afraid of something, let’s say mice. To me, I am not afraid of mice, I think that’s silly to be afraid something so small and harmless. But to the person who is deathly afraid of them, they can’t explain why they are and seeing a mouse would control their actions as well.”
She was the first person to put me at ease when I was fighting this mental illness, and I wouldn’t be where I am today without her support and guidance. I worked so hard to overcome my eating disorder and get to a healthy weight and that’s what I did…
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