As a 20-something myself, I often find myself talking to older family members or friends about my life and future plans.
With those I’m only acquaintances with, the conversation normally ends with something like, “Well enjoy it! This is the best time of your life!” Those closer to me often get a little snippy and ask, “You have so many opportunities, why are you so unhappy?”
I don’t mean to come off as ungrateful, but having lots of choices has never been a positive thing for me… Having to make a single choice out of so many options creates so much stress, I end up pondering the “What-ifs” for hours, trying to play out each scenario to make sure I make the best choice.
Now that those choices consist of searching for my first job; choosing where in the country I want to settle down; and considering whether I want to go to graduate school, and more… Argh… I feel like I’m going nuts!! The stakes are amped up higher than ever. I seem not to be alone in the feeling either, but it never stopped others from assuming we are ungrateful.
We are taught for so long that we are so incredibly lucky to have so much freedom and choice — which is undoubtedly true in the world we live in. But in fact, our brains aren’t quite wired to work this way. In fact, they are not wired to work this way for everyone, not just 20-somethings.
MAKING SENSE OF EVERYTHING
Things starting falling into place and making sense one afternoon when I was listening to an interview on NPR. The interview was with Dan Gilbert and it was about a TEDtalk he gave back in 2004 on the idea of “Synthetic Happiness.” I’ve boiled his speech down to the 4 main points. To hear him speak more about each point, watch the video at the times listed.
- Humans are equally happy/unhappy despite their circumstances (1:10-3:08)
- Humans over estimate the degree to which events will affect their happiness. (3:08-4:10)
- Humans assume incorrectly that there is a qualitative difference between synthetic happiness and actual happiness. (5:06-13:46)
- Choice is the ultimate killer of happiness (14:10-18:57)
THE BRAIN’S IMPERFECTNESS
For obvious reasons, that final point really hit close to home… Additionally, all of his four points built right on top of each other. A lot of what causes my stress about all the choices I have to make, is the idea that if I make the “wrong” decision, I will be unhappy. Apparently this is not so, and some great minds have actually known this for a while. For example, Adam Smith said, “The great source of both misery and disorders of human life, seems to arise from over-rating the difference between one permanent situation and another.” Whether I am genuinely happy, or I’ve just convinced myself that I am happy, my body and mind can’t tell the difference. Feels like a huge weight of your shoulders, right?
Our brain isn’t perfect.
But, they do have the ability to predict or anticipate the outcome of future events without us actually having to experience said event. In some areas its predictions are spot on, such as fish flavored frosting being a pretty terrible tasting idea. Other areas are not as sharp. Gilbert explains that our brain predicts that having more options or choices will lead to greater happiness, when in fact this is not true. Hence, why 20-somethings like myself seem so unhappy when we have the whole world in front of us.
His ideas are pretty complex, it’s taken me several viewings, and I’m still not completely clear on his ideas. Yet what I’ve been able to take away has given me a way to move forward, and advice for all 20-somethings who are seemingly so unhappy.
MY CONCLUSIONS ON MAKING CHOICES IN YOUR LIFE
Limit your choices! Pick a geographic location. Limit the number of job titles or companies to apply at. This not only limits your choices, but it makes you honestly address what you want out of life. Make a timeline. If these limitations have not taken you anywhere in“X” number of weeks or months, re-evaluate. But, don’t stand still because you can’t pick a door to go through. Consider the unexpected… if something comes up out of the blue. If it isn’t initially in your plan, take a moment to consider it. It might not be what you planned, but it doesn’t mean that it won’t make you just as happy!
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