Starting a family is a huge decision for any couple, but when you have to consider alternative options, your choices become even more complex. Finding a surrogate is about more than simply choosing someone to carry your baby, there are tons of factors that go into ensuring the right match between intended parents and surrogate potentials. If you’re wondering about finding the best surrogate for your family, read on here to learn more.
What Type of Surrogacy do You Want?
There are two types of surrogacy that you can choose from. One is called gestational surrogacy and the other is called traditional surrogacy. In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate has no familial connections to either intended parent or baby. For traditional surrogacy, the surrogate can be the sister, mother, cousin, or even aunt of either parent. Most agencies don’t deal in traditional surrogacies, only gestational types.
For intended parents that need extra legal and medical guidance, it’s recommended to work with an agency who can help you find a surrogate from their database, guide you throughout the pregnancy, and protect you should legal issues arise.
Surrogate Qualifications
To become a surrogate, women must meet a number of qualifications to ensure the success of the pregnancy. Eligibility is determined by age and health, as well as a number of other factors, including:
- Between 19 and 39 years of age
- Non-smoker and no history of drug use
- Must already have delivered at least one healthy baby
- BMI under 32
- No medical or psychological concerns
- No financial difficulties
Surrogacy Through an Agency
Choosing alternative family planning is a tough decision that can lead to significant emotional turmoil. Having to screen surrogates on your own makes it even harder. It’s no surprise that many couples choose to go through a surrogacy agency for some assistance. Most agencies help you find the right match by conducting their own pre-screening so that you only see profiles for women that have already gone through extensive interviews, psychological evaluations, and physical testing.
An agency also requests both surrogates and intended parents create a detailed profile to help sort through potential matches and give everyone involved insight into their personal lives.
Parenting Profiles
Parenting profiles should include a lot of information to help the surrogate decide if she wants to pair with you. One idea to help you start your profile is to write a personal letter addressing potential surrogates. You should also take some time to introduce yourself and your significant other — if you have one. Talk about your current family life and your relationships with parents, siblings, and extended family. Share a little bit about your home and community as well as any unique activities or hobbies you have. It’s a good idea to include several photos of yourself and your family.
The more surrogates know about you, the better they can bond and relate.
Surrogate Profiles
On the other side of the equation, surrogates are also creating a profile. You can tell right away if their profile is as complete as possible. They will also include information about themselves and their families, previous pregnancy experiences, and personal life stories. Some surrogate profiles even discuss what inspired them to become a surrogate and what drives them to help other couples achieve the family they have always dreamt they would have.
Meeting with Your Surrogate
It’s not unusual to meet with a potential surrogate in person before making a final decision. You can treat this meeting like a final interview and ask any questions that may not have been answered in their profile. This is also an opportunity for you to see if there is any sense of connection between yourself and the surrogate. Are you comfortable around each other? Do you have similar ideas about boundaries? Do you have matching values, ideas, and beliefs?
It’s okay if you don’t bond with a surrogate right away. Carrying your child is incredibly important and you want to ensure that you’re choosing the right person for the job. Meet with a few of your top surrogate selections to discover which ones vibe with you best.
Final Thoughts
While surrogacy is a very generous and fulfilling act for some women, most surrogates understand that it is first and foremost a business transaction. It can be difficult to navigate the emotional and legal elements of this sort of relationship, so choosing to work with an agency ensures everyone feels comfortable with their decisions. Reach out to alternative family planning clinics near you to learn more about how they operate.
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