Imagine watching a boat speed away, leaving you behind, alone, on a tiny little island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. 

This was my experience not too long ago during a spontaneous trip to Fiji. 

I had been itching to get on a plane, and seeking a bit of adventure. It had been nearly six weeks that I had been back in Sydney at that point. The longest time period in years I had gone without getting on a plane. 

I was checking the weather forecast daily, unsure where to go. On that Monday morning, after my morning meditation, I started journaling and felt the impulse to decide on a vacation destination and to not overthink it. 

Fiji came up without any research other than the fact that it was a place I had not yet adventured to and that the reality TV show Survivor was sometimes filmed there. It was decided. To make it more interesting, I decided to do the trip without my phone. 

The next day, once I landed in main land Fiji after a four hour flight from Sydney, I was whisked away on an hour long boat trip to the island I found a hotel to stay at last minute. I knew I was in for an adventure as I watched hundreds of lush green islands popping up from the ocean, varying heights, all without much if any signs of human civilization. 

The next morning, I woke up to a cloudy sky. I walked from my room to the hotel reception, and asked the staff what I should do for the day.

The two locals behind the counter were young, and looked at one another, smiled gently and then turned to me. 

“We have an adventure planned for you today sir!” they said enthusiastically. “How does a picnic sound?”

I was curious and said yes. They asked me to be ready after breakfast by the dock. 

Once I got on the boat, there was a picnic basket and a lawn chair sitting there already. They told me they’d be taking me to a nearby island for a day trip. I didn’t think much of it. 

As we sped through the calm turquoise blue water, they pointed out to me the island where the movie Castaway, with Tom Hanks, was filmed. “Cool”, I thought. Again, I didn’t think much of it. 

Soon after, we started to approach a tiny island that was mostly wild vegetation with a small sandy beach. 

They unloaded the picnic basket and setup a lawn chair for me. 

Then they left. 

I soon realized that there was no one else on this island. 

Once the boat was gone, I realized there was no one else in sight, in any direction, as I looked out over the horizon. 

I felt a pulse of anxiety in my chest. I was alone. In the middle of the Ocean. Without a phone. Without any supplies beyond lunch. Without any contact with anyone. No one I knew knew that I was here.

The theoretical ‘if you were stranded on an island’ didn’t feel so theoretical in that moment. It was, and probably will be, the closest I’ll ever come to this feeling. So I leaned into it, as I know instinctively that my growth lies beyond the edge of my comfort zone. 

I sat. I swam. I strolled. 

Then, realizing that I was all alone on this tiny island, with no boats in sight and no people anywhere in sight, I took off all of my clothes.

It was a spontaneous impulse that I followed.  

I then again sat, swam and strolled. This time naked, it felt different. I felt exposed. Despite knowing that no one could see me, it took a bit for me to feel comfortable. 

And then I sat on the sand, looking out over the ocean, taking in this unique moment. 

A smile appeared on my face. It was not my usual adult smile though. It was a childish grin. There I was, enjoying the big blue ocean, without any one and without any thing. Nothing else and no one else mattered in that moment. 

I felt a wave of gratitude wash over me, as I realized all that had to happen for this moment to exist. Tears began to roll down my cheeks. 

Then all of a sudden, a tropical rainstorm came out of nowhere. Hail started hitting my bare skin. I had no where to go, nothing to protect me, so I just sat there. 

I have never felt so raw before. 

There I was, lying alone on a sandy beach, in the middle of the Pacific, with a rainstorm washing my body. 

I felt so big in that moment, the strength of my body, the courage in my mind, and the confidence to experiment. Yet at the same time, I felt so small. The vastness of the ocean, the vulnerability of being alone, and being fully exposed to nature. 

I had nothing and I felt like I was nothing. As the rain continued to pour on my body, my sense of self started to dissolve into the sand. It was beautiful, and terrifying at the same time. It felt like an energetic rebirth.

A few hours later, a boat appeared to bring me back to reality. As I rode back, I reflected on my adventure. I realized I was giving myself permission to let go of what no longer served me, and approach life more with a childlike sense of curiosity and wonder for what could be. This is the energy I hope to continue to bring into my daily life, without having to fly to the middle of no where with no one else around, to realize this. 

And that is how I learned to Fiji.