How I Embraced My Desire For Love

June 14, 2016 | Posted at 9:37 am | by Kalyn (Follow User)

Photo Credit: (Photo: Mike Goodwin, Freeimages.com)

I’ve always dreamed of being married one day… but I never really believed I would.

Not for me, a dream-chasing Black girl. I could only think of unclear, fantasy-like versions of love because I rarely came in contact with healthy depictions of Black relationships and marriage. I didn’t see them in my single-parent home, and they were rare in my community. Media didn’t make it any better since it constantly portrayed black women as destined for single-hood in spite of their successes, beauty and character.

In time, I accepted singleness as my fate, and lived a life that mirrored the career-driven, loveless storyline I grew to know. Still, even when I felt noble for owning the single life, I could never really shake my desire to love and be loved.

After years of wrestling with these feelings, it hit me – I had taken on an attitude of hopelessness where love was concerned because of what I thought were realities of the world, my world. Why can’t I have both love and career? Why do I feel subjected to single-hood because I’m a black woman?

While searching for answers, I stumbled across this striking statistic: according to research by the Brookings Institute, about 60% of college-educated Black women ages 25-34 have never married – the highest out of all racial groups.

The Brooking’s Institute findings is non-other than a phenomenon well-known as a part of the ambitious Black woman’s narrative. Although those numbers are real, I felt that there were deeper facts worth exploring – more to the story that could help change it. So, I started digging in hopes that I would uncover something bigger, something that could reveal a different truth and help change the minds of Black women everywhere who are convinced that love is not for them.

In Black, Educated and Single, I investigated all corners of this issue, focusing on the historical, political and social factors that drive these dwindling Black marriage rates. Several women and men shared their stories with me and painted a picture that shows Black love is much deeper than romance, and much more abundant than the world sometimes tends to show.

We often see this lack of [Black] love manifested as many issues that plague society today, including social immobility, educational disparities, poverty, crime and much more. After noticing these very real, research-supported facts, maybe it’s safe to say that love could be the answer to many of these growing problems – and that’s reason enough to believe in it again.

By reading in-between the lines, I learned of new ways to view and pursue love that not only brings hope to the single, but also reminds everyone of what it really is: the key to building a stronger, happier and more connected world.

That’s when I was able to finally own my desire for love – and share it – without shame and without a doubt that it was for me, an ambitious Black woman, too.

Watch Black, Educated and Single here.