It’s that time of year, when the world falls in love”….. or is it?
That nagging feeling in the back of your head or heart indicates that the end is near. The end of your relationship, that is. To complicate things, tis the season for family, holiday cheer, and the endless activities and traditions that make this time of year more meaningful. Instead of bringing you and your date together, the pressure of the holidays seems to be tearing you apart.
Your relationship has run its course and it’s time to move, but timing a break up during the holidays is a tricky thing.
So, you beg the question: Should I break up with my boyfriend or girlfriend right before the holidays? Or, should I fake it through till January?
We a little help from Loveawake dating site I posed this question to Loveawake members and here was the response:
“Definitely before…much cheaper and less awkward in the long run.” Jim in California
“Break up! You might meet someone cute at the Christmas party, hey, you never know?” – Aimee in California
“Before. Hurts more at first, but at least you’re not deceiving yourself, them, AND everybody else around. (It’s) easier to sleep at night with a clean conscience.” – Paul in Kentucky
“I think somehow it seems less cruel to do something swiftly than to not only make yourself miserable during the holidays but potentially lead someone else on with false hope” – Jen in Manchester, UK
Rachel from Chicago offers a different take:
“It depends on how invested in the relationship you are…There are so many factors to consider… If your family is too invested in your relationship it might be better to wait just so you don’t have to talk about it over and over with your aunt Melba and your grandma who is convinced you will never marry or have children.”
Ultimately, the decision to continue a relationship is a personal one. One should never feel obligated or pressured to stay in a relationship that has no future.
Four things to consider:
1. There is no ‘perfect time’ to break up with someone. The holidays will give way to Valentine’s Day, which will give way to St. Patty’s Day, which will give way to Easter/ birthdays/ summer, etc. If you are using the calendar as an excuse to stay, you might want to take a closer look at your motivation.
2. Chances are, the break up will not come as a surprise. We know when something is wrong in the relationship. There are usually telltale signs: drifting apart, the silence, bickering or that nagging intuition says that the feelings are just not there anymore.
3. Respect and Honesty- Always treat people with kindness and respect. Approaching the break up with honesty and respect is the honorable way to behave. Be direct, but do not insult your soon to be ex. Also, avoid cowardly tactics such as cheating or picking fights that might cause the other person to break up with you.
4. Make a decision and stick with it. Being wishy-washy and dragging out the inevitable will put you both on an emotional roller coaster, and perhaps, by proxy, your family and friends. Unless you both crave drama and misery, avoid the breaking-up/ getting back together cycle. It can lead to false hope and bigger disappointment when things finally end for good.
The end of a relationship can be hard on everyone involved. However, the important turning points in life are not always going to be pleasant. Sometimes we have to hurt in order to grow, and hopefully, when we come out the other side, we are stronger and more assured of what we want in life.
Rachel from Chicago offers this last bit of holiday cheer, “enjoy some introspection and retrospection over the holidays, drink a lot, and come the new year, BAM, you’re off to a fresh new start!”
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