Who am I?
We’ve all asked ourselves this age-old question. We’ve all come up empty-handed at one moment or another (probably more often than not).
Then there’s other moments – those “aha” moments – where we feel like we know.
What I’m realizing this year as I journey into the unknown – a journey where I attempt to let my heart guide – is that I don’t know.
When those moments happen, I just am.
There’s a seamless unraveling. A flow. A current bursting forth from a hidden spring where there’s no distinction between the moment and its happening.
What it really seems to be, without getting lost in the esoteric, is authenticity.
When I live effortlessly, when fears dissolve in a moment, when a decision is made instinctively, is when I am wholly myself.
That is when I’m authentic.
By no means are these moments permanent though. They come as quickly as they go. As each one arrives, I find myself clinging to the notion that this is it and I must hold onto it forever.
What I am also realizing however is that, you cannot keep it. It’s not allowed. Life would not be a process if you could.
Otherwise we would all be certain of who we are and constantly act from that center.
But we don’t. (Well at least I don’t and if you do please tell me how you got there)
That’s why when I allow moments to happen without effort, I feel so at peace. Because it’s in these moments that the deepest essence of who I am – without patterns – without fears – without agendas – without boundaries – shows itself.
But how do I begin to know who I am? And how do I live authentically?
The sad news for me was that I didn’t find a magical formula as an answer. There was no single book. No medicine. No teacher. No guideline. Just me staring back at myself in the mirror, confused and alone.
The beautiful news was that I was staring back at myself in the mirror confused and alone. And it is only from this point that I could move forward – in that realization was the freedom to ask.
That’s what brought me to this community. The freedom to ask.
And this question I’ve been wrestling with this past year has allowed me to enjoy the most beautiful moments, connect with the most inspiring people, and begin the most terrifyingly magnificent journey of living an authentic life.
I will admit that just because I’ve asked and taken the leap, doesn’t mean that life is now easy.
In fact, it’s probably more challenging than it ever was. Because I can no longer rely on other people, the media, my multitude of books, an employer, or even the systems at large. At the end of the day it’s still me, alone in the mirror, asking the same question:
Who am I?
As I write, I am but baby steps into this journey and I claim only imperfection.
What has helped so far to connect me with those effortless moments where I seem to know who I am and feel as though I am living authentically?
To continue reading this piece from our partner, Quarter for Your Crisis, click here.
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