“I’m so sick of this.”
I made that statement to my mother last night around 10:15 p.m.
We had returned from choir rehearsal a few minutes prior and I was in her bedroom playing with our cocker spaniel puppy, Cashmere. Our local Fox affiliate was playing in the background. The story was the latest on the weeklong riots that have been escalating in Baltimore after the mysterious death of 25-year-old Freddie Gray. According to reports, when Gray was arrested in Baltimore on the morning of April 12th, he had struggled to walk. However, a half hour later when he arrived at the police station, Baltimore Deputy Police Commissioner Jerry Rodriguez told CNN he was not breathing nor talking. In fact, he was suffering from a spinal injury so bad that he died several says later.
Prior to my comment, we had watched the segment about Terrance Kellom who was shot by an U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officer in Detroit. Then, during my comment, coverage was shown on the news about the riots in Baltimore.
With tears in my eyes and anger in my voice, I made my statement to my mother. In this past few years, I’ve become more aware about how history isn’t such a far away concept. My mother, was born in 1957; her mother born in 1927. American history wasn’t 100, 200 or even 300 years ago. It was in my mother’s lifetime, her mother’s lifetime.
But as I walked out of my mother’s bedroom, I began to think about the statement I made. The next morning a small voice spoke to me and challenged me, “What are YOU going to do about it?”
I, like many others, am sick of this. I’m tired of watching the news and seeing another black man killed.
Tired of watching the news and hearing people say it’s not time, to wait; the same thing people told Dr. King about 50 years ago.
I’m tired of looking at my nephews and hoping they’ve been taught enough about how to talk to the police.
I’m tired of looking at my brothers and hoping I don’t get another phone call, saying they’ve been shot and killed.
I’m tired of not feeling safe when the police approach me.
I’m tired of hearing how violence is not the answer. A friend of mine, Curtis Ray, said, “There have been centuries of violent oppression, bondage, premeditated economic impoverishment, exploitation, and more. People are more angry at the protestors for not acting like they aren’t angry and ravenous for progress.”
A high school classmate Chelsea Knox commented on Facebook, “You cannot continually mock our pain and expect nothing to happen. Gray’s spine was severed in eight places, don’t cry about a broken window.”
These two quote highlight the fundamental issue behind Baltimore’s riots.
No, I am not a resident of Baltimore, but I am a Black American citizen. I know the riots in Baltimore are deeply ingrained in a history of a country in which our voices have been suppressed when we have attempted to protest the injustices we have been served up since we were stolen from our land in African and brought here against our will.
It comes from a place of deep hurt and nothing to sooth the pain. Detroit-based music artist, Chris Holmes, also put on Facebook: “When you are losing friend family and or neighbor to the men and women sworn to protect and serve you and your neighborhood… and the government offers no comfort or reproach, what will you do to release tension?”
I take Holmes challenge to heart. What am I going to do to release the tension?
What I am going to do about my anger? What will be effective? What will make people listen?
My answer is simple: write. I’m going to let my tension, my anger, my pain bleed onto the pages from my pen. I’m going to tell the stories my readers want to hear. I’m going to tell THEIR stories…leave behind factual evidence for future generations.
I will let the evidence show: Dr. King had a dream, he was tired of being told to “wait” for justice and he did something about it.
I will let the evidence show: President Barack Obama can be considered the realization of Dr. King’s dream, but one Black president is NOT enough. Not when the same people sworn to protect them are murdering Black people. Not when the media, which I consider myself a member of, do not accurately record all parts of history.
And I throw out the same challenge as Holmes does: What are you going to do to release the tension?
What are you going to do about your anger?
[Current Song: Me Against the World by Tupac]
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