Summer is approaching quickly, and that means-wedding season is almost upon us.
Soon our Facebook and Instagram accounts will be filled with pictures of brides in dresses, flower girls, and cake being smashed in the groom’s face. Our social media accounts only show the happy times, but marriages have their stress.
Although the boy and girl that are coming together are now best friends, the truth is that they have two different families of origin. Each of the lovers has over two decades experiencing the values, traditions and expectations of thcx eir family of origin.
It takes time and compromise for the newly married couple to combine their single lives making something new that is there own.
So on that note, here are four conversations you should have before you get married to help you agree on what values you want in your marriage.
1. TALK ABOUT FINANCES
In America today, finances are the number one cause of divorce. Most of the time stress in finances is a result of debt. The average American is walking into marriage carrying over 15,000 dollars in debt. This is a combination of student loans, car, house, medical, and credit card debt. What are your financial and future goals? Who will be in charge of maintaining the finances? Are you a saver or a spender? Considering these questions can help you and your future spouse get on the same page about finances.
2. DISCUSS RELIGION
Understand that religion is not only the cause for wars around the world, but it can also cause conflict in the home if you are marrying someone who has different ideals than you. As a couple do you want to make attending a weekly worship gathering a priority or is religion something that happens at home? Are you going to raise your children in your religion or let them explore other styles of worship? A person’s faith often defines so many areas of their life, but is often overlooked when making major life choices.
3. CHAT ABOUT HAVING KIDS
Whether they are newborns keeping you up all night, teenagers who just crashed your car, or your child who you just spent 100k on college and has moved back into your home –children are the gift that keeps on giving. Don’t get me wrong they are also filled with love and precious memories. The big question is how many do you want? You and your future spouse should be in agreement with your intentions for starting a family.
4. TALK CANDIDLY ABOUT THE IN-LAWS
Boundaries…boundaries…boundaries. It is very important to determine what the boundaries should be with your in-laws. Would you like to live in the same neighborhood with them and have them over for dinner every night? If this is you, please watch the show “Everybody Loves Raymond” –you may reconsider. Your in-laws shaped your significant other’s values and traditions and will often show resistance when as a newly married couple you are finding your own ways. Although your parents are a wealth of knowledge, it is not appropriate to tell them certain things pertaining to your marriage, as it will effect how they view your spouse.
Marriage may be tough, but it brings lots of joys and blessings too.
Hopefully, if you begin the discussion now you can avoid future disagreements.
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