Escaping and conquering adversity is hard enough, but working towards eliminating the same adversity for others seems to be the work of heroes.
Somehow, superhero Nikki DuBose found a way to do both. After an early start as a model at the tender age of 15, DuBose faced body shaming, an eating disorder and drug and alcohol abuse, all propagated by the hands of the fashion industry.
After years of mental health struggles and family tragedy, DuBose decided that enough was enough—and she walked away from the industry that she had worked in for the majority of her life. After leaving the modeling industry, DuBose made it her mission to become an eating disorder prevention activist, and she has done a wonderful job.
She has been involved in social media efforts and recent California legislation calling for strict health requirements for models. Luckily, Proud2Bme was able to catch up with DuBose. See what she has to say below about the fashion industry, mental health and legislation!
Trigger warning: Descriptions of eating disordered behavior, substance abuse and sexual assault.
Pooja Patel: You started modeling at a somewhat young age–how do you think the industry affected the way you thought about beauty standards?
Nikki DuBose: I grew up in Charleston, South Carolina, and down the street from where I worked at a bakery was a prominent modeling school. I was 15 at the time, and as a result of my traumatic childhood, I wanted badly to be accepted, so I walked in there by myself. The owner of the school and her assistant looked me up and down, measured me and asked me to lose weight—as well as to bring $500 for the runway training classes. The day of the first class I had to walk down the makeshift runway in front of everyone else and at the end of my turn the teacher lifted up my shirt and asked, “What kind of exercises do you do?” I could feel my cheeks turning hot and I didn’t know what to say.
She patted my stomach and pointed to the other girls who were all wearing tummy-bearing shirts and said, “See their stomachs? Go home and do crunches. You need to have a stomach like theirs.” That was one of my first public experiences with bullying in the industry. I had already been struggling with bulimia for years by that point, as well as other mental health conditions like depression, body dysmorphic disorder, PTSD and so on, so their comments triggered my destructive behaviors behind closed doors. Yet I was certain that if I could only “win” their approval and the approval of the beauty industry, then I could finally feel good enough for myself and my family.
Because I had been sexually victimized as a child and physically abused, I never got the chance to understand that I was born worthy and beautiful because of my soul—I spent the rest of my life trying to seek validation from the modeling industry and in all the wrong places. As I became a professional model and saw my career soar later on, I used the fact that “Oh, my face is on the cover of this magazine or billboard, or I can fit into this size” to validate my worth.
PP: What did you see in the fashion industry that prompted you to leave the profession?
NDB: All sorts of things. If you can think of it, I saw it and/or experienced it myself. Remember, I had addictions and serious mental health issues so there was that complex aspect too, and then I was involved in this business that was poorly regulated—it just exacerbated my problems. There were parties every day, with people that I worked with, and then there were the drugs and alcohol—they came like candy and I had a drug and alcohol addiction on and off. Thankfully I went through twelve-step and have been clean and sober for more than four years and have been in strong recovery from my eating disorder for almost three years, but at the time it was like living in a candy store for addicts.
To continue reading this interview from our partner, Proud2BMe, click here.
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