With every bond that is developed, every feeling of affection, grief will inevitably follow. This is the complex irony of sentient life, the yin and yang of the human condition. Grief is necessary — healthy, even — our body’s way of letting go of something emotionally traumatic. There isn’t a good or bad way to grieve; however, there are unhealthy coping methods that some may fall victim to — especially those that are dealing with the death of a person or an animal friend. Here are some of the unhealthy pitfalls you need to watch out for.
Drug/Alcohol Abuse
It has been proven that alcohol slows activity down in the central nervous system and releases endorphins (chemicals that induce pleasure) into certain parts of the brain. You can read more here about which part of the brain is affected by alcohol. This leaves no questions as to why so many grieving people turn to alcohol — and that’s where the unhealthy problem lies. The sense of release and numbness alcohol provides makes abusing it difficult to control. The body will relax and the brain may have all but forgotten what has happened, or has made the tragedy a sort of fictional dream. Those that have struggled with alcohol abuse know this. According to The Recovery Village, “When you are in recovery and must face the loss of a loved one, it is not uncommon to immediately feel triggered to relapse.” It is very much possible, however, to navigate negative experiences without relapsing or abusing a substance. Many people in a state of grief will often isolate themselves from the rest of the world. While this may be a temporary healing moment, it’s important to reach out to others — friends, family, group therapy, and so on. Any occasion that calls for a shower, getting dressed, and briefly getting out of the house to connect with another person is the best way to express lingering melancholy. When going out, however, try to avoid any situations that may trigger an excuse to consume alcohol or drugs. It’s important to look at intense moments of suffering as an avenue for growth, or simply, like all good and bad things in life, a moment that will pass.
Risky Behavior
As much as drugs and alcohol may be a contributing culprit to risky and irrational behavior, so is grief. This can mean doing careless stunts like balancing across the railing of a bridge, driving at dangerous speeds, starting fights, or abnormal sexual enthusiasm with multiple people. Strangely, this is normal. The psychology, by toying with death and coming through unharmed gives a feeling of immortality, a feeling people want to preserve after being shook with the harsh reality of someone dying. An underlying final grip for life to prove to themselves that they’re an exception to the rule — that they’re too clever for death. Of course, this feeling is false. As Benjamin Franklin once said, “but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” The only thing that risky behavior leads to is a higher risk of death, and also possible financial strain if the griever is an impulsive spender. Grieving through reckless acts of sex can result in dangerous STDs, and dangerous driving may result in complications with the law, especially when substance abuse is involved. There is no cure-all for this feeling necessarily, but there are healthier ways of going about grieving without posing the risk of death or transmitted disease. If there is work, school or some other day-to-day obligation, take some time off. Ask a trusted friend to go on vacation or do something edgy and wild, so long as it’s in a controlled setting, like skydiving or bungee jumping. The urge to do something reckless and impulsive is OK; it doesn’t, however, have to run a risk of self-harm or breaking the law.
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