The holidays are a difficult time for many of those who struggle with eating disorders. Six of our writers courageously shared their messages to their past selves. Check them out below.
Yes, It Will Get Better
Hey, Kaitlin,
Believe it or not, things will get better. There will come a time when the holidays aren’t full of worries about food and calories and working out. You can skip a workout, and the world won’t end. Holiday cookies aren’t going to kill you.
I know these things because I’ve lived them. It’s the 2016 holiday season, and I am enjoying it without fear. It took treatment and a lot of work; tears and anger and lots of talks with your boyfriend, but guess what? He’s your husband now!
Kaitlin, I know the holidays can be scary, but I will tell you that your uncle is a fabulous cook, and you should really enjoy his offerings. Plus, your cousin bakes some delectable pies, and eating a slice will not change a thing about your body. Choosing to allow yourself only small nibbles and no dessert, however, it will concern your family and make the holiday much less enjoyable.
Lean on your babe. He’s got you, and you actually get more and more attractive to him as time goes on. He loves you, and he not only finds your body attractive, but your exuberance, confidence, and humor as well. You will get those things back, I promise. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him (his words, not mine!) and you’ve got so much ahead of you. —Kaitlin Irwin
I Have Faith in You
Dear Rachel,
I know you dread this time, the holiday season. A time when food is the focus. I know you aren’t looking forward to the encouraged bingeing that will come from your aunt or how weight-obsessed all the women in your family will become when the new year rings in, but you can get through this.
Enjoy your favorite green bean casserole. Enjoy the time with your family, who doesn’t always get along, but finds a way to during the holidays. And cherish the time you have with Grandma Sharon because you won’t have much longer with her. Focus on the love you feel instead of the emptiness in your stomach.
Sit with the feeling of fullness from maybe eating a bit too much. And realize that it’s okay. Because it’s not about numbers or weight. It’s about family and love. Thank your family when they offer to make you a lunch of leftovers to eat instead of internalizing all the anger you feel because they just don’t understand. Realize that they are trying their best and that they love you.
Just know that in years to come, you will love the holidays once more. You’ll actually find yourself helping with some of the cooking in a few years and enjoying it! You can make it through the holidays. I have faith in you. —Rachel Taylor
You Choose Your Family
Dear Katrin,
You grew up in a house with a woman who wanted everything looking perfect like the decorated tree and wrapped presents. You also had to look your best on holidays in dresses that were picked out for you. You also had to get nice gifts for your family. They had to be “mother approved.”
During your teen years, this same woman embarrassed you in front of your future husband by saying how bad you looked. This woman never said anything nice to you and made you dread the holidays.
You do have two things to hold on to. Your dad was a great dad. He loved the simple things and was a big kid on Christmas. Your dad even liked the new socks that you bought him, because you bought them for him and made him happy. He made the holidays fun and sang his own version of holiday carols. When you got married to your husband, you had a great mother-in-law who also made Christmas fun! She was a lot like your father, who enjoyed the simplicity and having family around with them. Your mother-in-law was always jovial around the holidays. She knew how to have fun with what little she had. You knew that you could count on a bout of laughter with her during the visit.
In closing, I say, give yourself permission to make your holiday traditions the way you want them to be. Enjoy them with your husband and your furry children because they are your family! —Katrin Alyss
Resist ED’s Urges
Dear Michelle,
The holiday season is ED’s favorite time of the year; between the food and family gatherings, there are many chances for ED to speak up.
Chances are, ED is going to make you plan ahead. He will want you to plan all of your days around food, exercise, and using behaviors. He will want you to have everything obsessively planned around his ways. Resist those urges. The holidays are a time to be spontaneous, to challenge that rigidity, to be okay with non-productive free time. Challenge yourself, let yourself enjoy those moments, surround yourself with people and things that make you happy, and rebel against ED…
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