Anger is a common sentiment that can have a dark side that many people may not be able to comprehend.
Yes , anger is not always negative. It can inspire social change over certain injustices in society, which also provides a deeper understanding into the complexities of this emotion. But I would like to speak about how irritability, which can also lead to anger, can create riffs in relationships.
Before my actual diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder, many unusual symptoms became a perceived characteristic trait of my personality. The irritability symptom in my opinion is one of the most difficult symptoms to manage since it can morph into anger. There have been times in my life where I was irritable for what seemed to be no reason and it affected others. The irritability damaged relationships, and sometimes, the outbursts felt like there was another entity inside of me, an entity that did not care about the personal effects I would have on others.
I would speak and get into people’s faces for no reason and aggressively prove that my way was the only right way; my mind knew that I should not be doing this, but my chemistry would take control of the situation. Understanding this emotion can go a long way if you struggle with unwanted irritability. For example, one time I was working out with my Crossfit buddies and I recognized that my irritability was partly due to my chemical imbalance. I instantly told them that I would rather work out on the side than near them.
Why would I do such a thing?
At that point in time, I just knew that my thoughts and everything that would come out of my mouth was going to be detrimental to the mood in that class. Additionally, by listening to a trusted friend who told me that I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I was able to instantly notice that my bedside manner (pun intended) was going to be counterproductive for the lifting session.
Of course, irritability is not unique to Bipolar Disorder, many people may wake up irritable because: it is a Monday, they do not want to go to work, or they just do not be around others. However, irritability that is caused by a chemical imbalance warrants further understanding. If you face challenges with a mental health condition that can spark irritability and have friends who know you well, then they can notice behaviors that are anathema to your typical personality; this is definitely the best time to examine yourself if a concern is expressed!
Supportive relationships is paramount in learning how to manage a mental health disorders, and SS consumers, we must recognize that there is no excuse to treat someone badly even if part of the issue is chemical.
But I have found that humbling myself, and being vulnerable to others by explaining the unique circumstances of my condition -albeit difficult- are some of the best ways to ask for forgiveness, and to continue in developing stronger bonds with someone who you love.
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