“How you perceive the world changes the way act in it.” -Kyle Eschenroeder
When you choose to act out of fear, panic, or impatience, the results are always bad — especially in relationships.
Instead, you should act in ways that align with your morals and values. You’ll feel happier and more confident in yourself, which will spread to every relationship in your life.
On the other hand, when you start acting out of fear and settle for less than you’re worth, your mindset and behavior will begin to rationalize this negative worldview. This will also spread to every other relationship in your life.
Soon, you’ll start to think your mediocre partner is a great fit for you, despite all the red flags. “Nobody’s perfect,” you tell yourself and others.
But it’s much better to be alone than settle for someone who’s well below your standards.
You Get What You Tolerate
“Human beings tend to follow through on who they believe they are.” -Tony Robbins
You teach people how to treat you.
Your quality of life is constant battle between you and your environment. There are many factors that would take advantage of you if you’re not careful — salespeople, advertisements, social norms, even coworkers and friends. You teach the world how to treat you, and what you’ll tolerate (and what you absolutely won’t tolerate).
You live according to your identity. If you see yourself as small and weak, then that’s how you’ll begin to act, and how people will begin to see you. It’s a simple matter of psychology — you pretty much act out who you think you are.
Author and psychologist Jordan Peterson once encouraged people to “Stand up straight with your shoulders back.” It’s a simple rule with astounding consequences. When you position your body like a confident winner, you’ll start acting like one. You generally start acting the way you’re thinking. Put a happy person around a bunch of sad people, and they’ll probably feel sadder, and vice-versa.
How you position your body strongly influences how you think. If you position your body like a scared weakling — hunched shoulders, lowered eyes, timid — that’s how people will start treating you. Then you act even more like a scared weakling, and people treat you even more like one. It’s a cycle.
You get what you tolerate. You become what you think.
But what happens when you start walking around with your chin up, shoulders back, standing tall? People think “That’s a confident person.” People act differently around people they deem confident and capable. Soon, their behavior around you will confirm that yes, you are confident and capable. And a new cycle is made.
You act consistent with you who believe you are. For many of you, it’s time to start believing something new.
Just Focus on Running as Fast as You Can in the Right Direction
When I was in college, I was lonely and wanted a girlfriend. One of my mentors told me some of the best relationship advice I’ve ever had:
“Just focus on running as fast as you can in the right direction.”
Until that point, I’d be constantly assessing the girls around me, wondering how I could connect with such-and-such pretty girl, how I could change myself to be what they might want.
Of course, it didn’t work — you won’t be happy being anything other than yourself. No one wants to date a phony.
Instead, I learned that I just focus on being the best person I could — learn all I could about topics that interested me, be as disciplined as possible with my morals and values. Run as fast as I could in the right direction. Because when you do that, you might look over and see someone running just as fast as you towards the same thing. That’s the person you want to ask out.
So that’s what I did. I was in a Christian club at the time, so I invested heavily into my spirituality. I focused on my fitness — not to impress anyone, but because I loved being in shape. I read a lot. I tried to be more patient and caring with others.
I started running as fast as I could in the right direction.
And soon, I looked over and saw someone else running the same speed towards the same thing.
That woman and I just celebrated our 7 year marriage anniversary.
Run as fast as you can in the right direction.
Keep Your Standards High Even When Things Aren’t Going Well
One of the hardest things to do is keep pushing when nothing seems to be going right.
Back in college, “running as fast as I could in the right direction” wasn’t easy. There were so many cute girls and potential relationships I could chase in the meantime. Difficult courses, fear of not graduating, tons of homework, and social pressures made it extremely hard to keep my standards up.
After a long time of feeling lonely, it’s very easy to start wanting to settle for the next cutie that comes along.
But you should hold your standards high even when things aren’t going well.
Every day, you’re having a mental conversation with yourself. You either keep your word, respect yourself, and stay aligned with your values…or you don’t. Every time you do, your body remembers. Every time you break a promise, your body remembers. What you do shapes who you are.
That’s why you should keep your standards high. If you allow yourself to take shortcuts and cut corners with your morals, you’ll feel worse. The fake-you will gain more power, and soon, you won’t be acting like yourself.
Not being you will eventually destroy you.
A little before I decided to keep my own standards high, I fell into a relationship far outside of my potential.
You’re Never Going To Be Happy Being Anyone Other Than Yourself
One time in college, I fell in love way too quickly with a very broken (but very pretty) girl. I tried everything I could think to get her to like me. Nothing was working.
Then her sister (who also had lots of her own issues) gave me some very peculiar advice. “She only likes bad boys,” she revealed to me. “If you’re mean to her, she’ll start to like you.”
That was the most ass-backwards advice I’d ever heard.
But hey, my 110% effort of being the “nice guy” wasn’t working. So, I tried being mean.
It lasted a week. Honestly, every time I think back to my actions that week, I don’t know whether to laugh or cringe.
I wouldn’t text her back (even though I desperately wanted to). She’d tell me about her day, and I’d try to act cool and uninterested. “Yeah, whatever,” I’d say nonchalantly. She wanted to hang out. “I’m busy,” I’d respond cryptically.
AND IT WORKED.
She was super into it. She became so much more interested than ever before.
But I hated it. I hated being a jerk. And I knew that if that’s what this relationship took to survive, it wouldn’t work.
So I became the nice guy again, snd she strung me along more while she was sleeping with her ex. But that’s not the point.
Not being yourself will destroy you. You can only be happy and free if you’re you — and no one else.
In Conclusion
There’s an old rule called “The Diderot Effect.” Centuries ago, the French philosopher Denis Diderot was broke, so he sold his library of books to one of his fans. He was given a beautiful scarlet robe in the process.
The robe was the nicest possession he owned. Soon, he began to notice how dirty and old his other belongings were. So he began slowly upgrading his possessions, home, and view of himself.
Of course, you don’t want to become a slave to your standards. But having high standards for just one thing in your life will begin to increase your standards for every other area.
Setting (and keeping) high standards is hard, but it’s one of the best things you can do for your life.
Ready to Level-Up?
If you’re an entrepreneur and want to achieve your goals 10x faster, join my free, private group for elite entrepreneurs.
Click here to join the group now!
Need A Massage? Learn How To Give One To Yourself And Your Loved Ones
Receiving a massage, whether it’s given by someone else or self-administered, can help loosen your muscles and establish a better connection not only with your body but also with the people you love.
