“Most people drift through life without devoting much conscious energy to figuring out specifically what they want and what they need to do to take themselves there.” -Darren Hardy

The reason most people don’t change is because it’s just easier to keep doing what they’ve been doing. Change is hard, even if your situation sucks. That’s why people often stay in painful, dysfunctional situations for years, knowing they should leave, yet never do.

Most people are living their lives on autopilot, and it’s really hard to turn that switch off and start taking responsibility for where you are, and where you’re going. But if you can wake up, you can start making better choices. If you’re smart, you can make the kind of choices that give you — and your whole family — a wonderful life. But you have to be awake to make choices. Here’s how.

You Must Listen to Reason, Even If It Means Realizing You’ve Been Wrong.

The only thing that can smash an illusion is the truth. When you were a child, you were taught many limiting mindsets that have shaped how your life looks today.

One day when I was ten, my mom came back from the grocery store with a lot of heavy grocery bags in the trunk. “Go help your mother bring in the groceries,” my gruff father ordered. But my mom protested. “No, he can’t lift it, it’s too heavy.” My father didn’t even blink. “No it’s not,” he said calmly. He turned back to me. “Go on — bring in the groceries.” I went out and carried the heavy bags inside the house. They were heavy, all right — but not too heavy.

Parents, teachers, relatives, and friends all said things like, “Do as you’re told,” “Be quiet,” and “I don’t think that’s going to work.” We were taught to follow the rules, stay in line, and not to make a ruckus.

Sadly, many grown adults are still acting the same way they did when they were kids. They make decisions out of fear, avoiding confrontation and public embarrassment. How you do one thing is how you do everything; if you’re a coward at home, you’ll be cowardly at work, on dates, and in line at Starbucks. No one likes a coward. Cowards don’t even like themselves.

Many people have been living with the illusion that they’re too weak, and act accordingly. The only thing that can smash an illusion is the truth. Being your authentic self, your true self, can be stressful. Doing the right thing is rarely easy. But if you ever want to look at yourself with immense pride, you have to unlearn the limiting mindsets holding you back and consistently act in accordance with your morals and values.

In 7th grade, there was a massive — seriously, he was gigantic — 8th grader who was held back a grade. He was on the wrestling team, and he was a bully. Us 7th graders were easy targets, and he preyed on us every day. He didn’t pick on me, but he picked on my classmates. There were about four guys in particular he liked to pick on, and this wrestler took every opportunity to let us know they were garbage, and he was the boss.

One day, when he was publicly demeaning my classmates again, I surprised myself by standing up to him. “Leave them alone,” I said firmly. When I said it, it sounded like the stupidest, wimpiest thing I could’ve said. Now I was risking his wrath. He turned to me with a mixture of rage and incredulity. Why couldn’t I have just shut my stupid mouth? I panicked.

But he growled, muttered something, and walked away grumbling. It was a significant moment for me, and I became fast friends with the four classmates.

The idea that you’re weak and incapable is a lie. The question isn’t whether you’re capable of greatness — you are. The question is: Are you willing?

No One Is Going to Pick You. Pick Yourself.

Once you realize a mentor isn’t coming to save you, you can be free to grow into a truly extraordinary person. Most people are waiting to be picked. They go to work through the world, hoping people will finally choose them over everyone else. The truth is, no one’s going to pick you.

That’s why you need to pick yourself. As best-selling author Hal Elrod once wrote, “The moment you accept total responsibility for everything in your life is the day you claim the power to change anything in your life.” Until you choose yourself, you’ll always be waiting for someone else to take responsibility and give you the thing you desire most. But the blunt truth is, no one’s going to choose you.

I used to refresh my email several times a day, hoping I’d get some email from some awesome person with a golden opportunity that would change my life. I knew I was special, but I thought I needed someone to confirm that, and prove it by choosing to be my mentor and help me build my dream.

I refreshed my email for years, but the email never came. Eventually, I grew tired of getting rejected by mentors. I remember writing hand-written letters to a bunch of my favorite authors, asking them to be my teacher and help me get as successful as they were. No one ever responded. Actually, one guy did, with a simple email: “Sorry, I’m too busy! Thanks though! Good luck!”

Frankly, I used my resentment and jealousy to start competing with them. If they couldn’t see how special I was, then screw them. They had their chance, and they didn’t choose me. So I chose myself.

Since then, I’ve become pretty much everything I wanted to be: I quit my horrible desk job and became a full-time writer, working 100 percent for myself from home, spending as much time traveling and with my family as I wanted. I didn’t have any mentors. I still don’t. I have colleagues, and I meet awesome people who teach me stuff. But I don’t have any mentors. I’m not looking for one anymore. I’m just looking for the next skill to learn, trying to find out the next step to take.

In his book Choose Yourself, James Altucher wrote: “If someone insists they need to be in prison even though the door is unlocked, then I am not going to argue. They are free to stay in prison.” No one is going to pick you. Pick yourself.

There Are No Secrets. There Is Just Hard Work, and Whether You’re Going to Do It Or Not.

In the words of Tim Grover, personal trainer to Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant:

“People are always asking me about the secrets and tricks I use to get results. Sorry if this disappoints you: there are no secrets. There are no tricks. It’s simple. Ask yourself where you are now, and where you want to be instead. Ask yourself what you’re willing to do to get there. Then make a plan to get there. Act on it.”

A lot of my readers ask me how I got successful, what secrets I can tell them about making money. The truth is, there are no secrets. There is nothing but hard work, and learning the things you need to reach the next level.

If you’re looking for secrets, you’re really looking for a shortcut. And the world doesn’t reward people looking for the easy way; that road is filled with unsuccessful people who spend more time complaining than they do working.

Once you become someone who consistently does the work, then that’s a different conversation; then you can focus on learning how to network, take advantage of trends, and use your expertise to become successful. But most people get it backwards — they want the easy money first before they put in the work.

These are the kind of people who spend months posting life updates on social media hoping to become an influencer, yet never get noticed. These are the people who are always selling something, yet never get any customers. As a result, they usually become more jaded and blame the system.

The world is full of these people. Sadly, they don’t realize there’s a very simple solution that will immediately separate them from 99% of other people:

Work your ass off. Arnold Schwarzenegger was once asked how he became so successful in Hollywood. What were his secrets?“The only way you become a leading man is to treat yourself like a leading man, and work your ass off,” he answered bluntly.

The world’s most successful people aren’t the ones that found the biggest secrets first. There are no secrets, just hard work. Are you willing to do the work? If you are, you’ll start making more progress than most people ever do, because most people are looking for secrets and shortcuts instead of actually putting in the work. As the great businessman and author George Lorimer once said:

“Most people would rather make a million dollars in their head every night than $100 dollars in cash every day.”

In Conclusion

Pay attention to the little voice inside your head trying to speak the truth. For some people, that voice has become very faint, buried under years of television, entertainment, and lazy habits. But that voice is always there, trying to get you to make better choices. These choices often aren’t easy, but if you want an easy life, you need to make hard choices.

A spiritual awakening is one of the most important experiences you can have. It can provide wonderful clarity on your most important values; how you should spend your time, the kind of partner you should look for, the kind of habits you should start doing.

If you listen to that voice, it can change your and your family’s life. Make the hard choice so you can have a better life. As best-selling author Dave Ramsey once said, “Live like no one else now, so later you can live like no one else.”

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