A few months ago, I had the privilege of sitting in on a round table discussion with a higher level executive from a major retailer (who, for all intents and purposes of this article will remain unnamed).
As she spoke to her experiences with ladder-climbing and first-job slip-ups, I couldn’t help but admire how far she’d come. From an entry-level employee to a MBA graduated Senior Vice President, she was a testament to the benefits of hard work. To many, she was the one who had it all. Well past thirty, with two children, a loving husband, and a fruitful career, and what seemed like a fruitful career and marriage.
However, when the Q&A came rolling around, the tables turned. After scanning the room for questions, she settled on (what she probably assumed was a safe bet), a young woman ecstatically waving her arms. The Executive nodded, and the young woman stood and cleared her throat.
“Who watches the kids when you’re at work?”
Despite the constant baseline of chatter during her presentation, the room was now silent. All eyes were on the executive in question, many of us wondering how she would respond. Noticing the awkward lapse in response time, she continued, “What I mean to say is… As a mother, it must be hard to balance raising two small children and working in your current position. How do you make time for them?
Murmurs were heard across the room. The tension was clear. Many people seemed to afraid to voice the question, yet most seemed curious.
Then, the executive responded. “Obviously traveling takes time away from my kids, but my recent promotion has actually made it easier to telecommute and make time for them. If I can’t, my husband and I take turns. It’s difficult, but I can be both a mother and a businesswoman.”
Succinct, though tense, her answer felt curated. The question, while distasteful, is one all too commonly heard by successful women.
Perhaps it is an innocent interest in the lives of celebrities, both major and minor, that drives this invasion of personal lives. Certainly, the lines have blurred between public and personal lives. Particularly as women in the workforce are expected to work harder, balance more, and combat harassment. Nonetheless, the interest implies an insidious intent – one driven by an underlying notion of gender roles.
The archetype is in reinforced through popular media. Most notably, through two exaggerated stereotypes.
There are the nurturers, the beauties who dedicate their lives to bettering their partners, families, or communities. Then, transversely, there are the power hungry, workaholics who dedicate their lives to furthering their careers and climbing ladders, but ultimately, end up alone. Something isn’t right.
To dilute successful women into these archetypes reinforces the dichotomy between men and women in the workplace. Certainly we can benefit from asking men the same questions as women, or dare I say, by getting back to the point- their careers.
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