It’s been over two years now since I left my “real job” to pursue being a full-time writer, speaker, coach, consultant.
And can I confess something to you?
Most months, I don’t have a clue what the best next step is. Or where the money is going to come from next. And I’m still driving the same ’93 Honda Civic Hatchback I have been driving since I was 17 years old.
Obsessive Comparison Disorder seeps into my mind and heart as I look upon the lives of friends and wonder if I’ve royally screwed up mine.
I take a lot of walks, searching for clarity while simultaneously trying to escape that “Oh crap” feeling. Fear slithers its fingers inside my chest and my heart feels boa-constrictored. My mind tells me one thing, my emotions another, and my legs tell me to run like hell.
I start fantasying about working an 8-5 job. Where someone gives me instructions that I follow. Where I can hang out with co-workers when I’m bored. Where I shift life back into cruise control and ease my seat back for awhile. Where 401lks and safety nets line my steps, instead of the free-fall that I feel awaits me most days.
I don’t feel like a conventional life is a suit I was called to wear; yet sometimes I wonder if I need to go to the dry cleaners and get my suits ready.
But on other days, I know this is the work I need to be doing.
I know this is something I cannot NOT do. I know that fear is lying to me. I get an email from one of you and it confirms the why behind the what.
My wife Naomi and I have chosen an uncharted path and are creating the map as we go. It’s exhilarating and terrifying in the same step.
Yet, if I say I live by faith, and then let fear make my daily decisions, then faith is nothing more than a word, not a way of life.
Why am I telling you all this?
I think it has something to do with this:
I was being interviewed by Ryan Michler on the great podcast called The Order of Man – which is about how men be –previous guests being marines, firefighters, survival specialists, men with epic beards, you name it. The host asked me basically what’s the most important thing men can do to be real men.
I quickly searched my mind for a manly tip on how to properly clean a fish or fix a flat tire in under a minute. Instead I told him what I think the most manly thing a man can do–be courageous enough to be vulnerable.
I’d say the need to be vulnerable isn’t a manly thing–it’s a humanly thing. We all need to be brave enough to be vulnerable.
It takes courage to talk about where you lack the most courage…
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