Personally, my only goal this year is consistency.
But I would also love to have good relationship. In fact, I’ve been taking courses from www.Dating9.com lately to learn the proper dating pattern on how to make the girl comfortable with you and make them see you as a good and viable thing for their life.
At the beginning of this year, I told myself I wanted to be more intentional about dating. Not as intentional as creating a list of qualities I want in a wife (See 4 Things I Learned From Being Single), but more so intentional on becoming the man, boyfriend, and husband God has called me to be for my future spouse.
So I came up with a list of questions I needed to ask myself before I even began to date, and I thought it would be cool to share. This post may not be for everybody. Single people might enjoy this post the most, but the overall theme of being intentional is key for you and anyone striving to make this the best year of your life.
Here are three questions to consider before dating:
1. Do I look like what I am looking for?
(Photo: iStockphoto)
My Story: I wrote a blog post about a month ago about being single. I declared a grand list of all the qualities I wanted in a wife. After almost six months of no luck, I had an epiphany: although I asked for all of these things from a woman, what did I ask of myself? I did not have a list for myself.
Example: I said I wanted a Christian woman and this was non-negotiable. But my actions said I wanted otherwise:
–I was all into Netflix and chilling.
–I was allowing women to spend the night over my house.
–I was drinking after midnight at people’s houses where I had no business being.
Please note: Don’t get the wrong idea. I wasn’t wiling in these streets but I did put myself into some bad predicaments with this behavior. I wasn’t serious. I was looking for a relationship, but I wasn’t ready for it, nor did I deserve to get it. Until I limited my drinking, got more involved with the church, and created new ground rules for myself that virtuous woman was not going to show up. This is why I am currently working on becoming a better brother, son, and servant of the Lord, which will then make me the boyfriend, the husband, and the father that my future family needs me to be.
Translation to life: Don’t ask for anything you are not ready to receive. If life was to give you the career, the car, the woman, the man, the money you wanted, make sure that you are ready and able to keep it. Put your focus on managing your money better, treating the relationships you have better, and investing in your career. This way, when the time comes, you are ready.
2. Do I have the time?
(Photo: iStockphoto/ Thinkstock)
My Story: At one point last year, I spoke (via text) to five females every day. I was NOT dating them, or looking for a relationship. They were just female friends – literally. They were all across the country so I thought no big deal. But as the year progressed, I noticed the majority of them were looking for something more. Then, it got to a point where everyone wanted something more. The stress of not being able to tell them that I wasn’t interested took too much of my energy. Every text, every call begin to drain me.
Translation to life: A lot of people say that they are focusing on themselves this year. Yet, they are consistently doing things and saying things on social media that prove they are not being intentional about focusing on themselves. They are not attending any new conferences, reading any new books, and meeting no new people. They are doing exactly the same thing that they were doing before they started focusing on themselves… expecting new results. From my own personal experiences, I know that simply won’t work.
My question to you: What does focusing on yourself look like for you? What does a day look like when you’re focusing on your dreams, hopes, and aspirations? I challenge you to write down what a focused day, week, or month looks like for *you*. Declaring it online and to your friends is not enough.
3. Do I have the money?
(Photo: iStockphoto)
My Story: There was a 2-month stretch in which I spent almost $1000 on dates. And trust me, I am not taking anybody to Ruth’s Chris. Anybody who would ask me to hang out, I would say, “yes”. There would even be times when I had no agenda. I had things to do, but I figured I needed to live life and who knows. That *casual* attitude to dinner, drinks, etc. led to many calls to my home girl, Jas, complaining about money. I felt like every night was like this:
***For the full hilarious article here First Date NoMas *5 min read
Confession: This was me all of 2015. I am chivalrous, I promise and I never argue about splitting the bill. But best believe it played out in my head like that. Now anytime a female asks for time, dinner, or lunch, I have to ask myself:
–Is this a business meeting?
–Are we catching up?
–Are we real friends?
If the answer to any of these is “no,” then I will pass on it. Period. Everything I do this year is with crystal clear clarity. Because if not my time, energy, and WALLET will pay the price for my lack of clarity.
Translation to Life: Have you created a budget? And if so, does it have the room for dating? Remember your #1 goal and priority. Don’t push dating to the front of your finances if that means other things will suffer. If someone is right for you, there should be no problem discussing money. As a relationship deepens and money is not addressed, it will only lead to bigger problems down the line.
Question for you: What area in life are you lacking clarity? You may think delaying it or not asking any questions is not hurting anyone, but later it probably will. What are you afraid of?
The Big Takeaway:
I am not encouraging you to be single this year, because I certainly don’t plan on being that. But what I am saying is that you’re energy, time and focus are critical to your success. Don’t waste energy on dating. Instead, invest it into thriving. I guarantee you that you will meet and be ready for the person of your dreams.
To get more advice or read more articles from Gregory, click here to visit his website.
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