Even When I Feel Like God Is Not There, Deep Down I Know He Is

December 6, 2015 | Posted at 9:28 pm | by Anonymous /Unknown (Follow User)

In my less than a quarter-of-a-century life, I’ve faced moments that shook me. And no, they weren’t snippets of a quarter-life crisis. They went deeper.
 

For me, they were moments when I questioned God’s existence…when I questioned what I believed. Growing up, I was raised to trust and believe in God. I was raised to know that He is anywhere and everywhere, and that He can do anything. But I can honestly say that I didn’t really know Him. Then, when heart-wrenching moments came up, sometimes my faith would shatter. I would feel alone, like the entire world was on my shoulders and I had no idea how I was going to make it through.
 

Most of us have faced moments like these. Like when you’re broken, when something you pray for doesn’t happen, when people are killed especially in earth-shattering situations, when everything seems to be going against you, when you feel like life seems to be giving you more than you can bear, when… well, I’m sure you can name some moments. It’s in these moments that your soul questions life, and why it is the way that it is. The mountains that you face seem like they will never move.
 

That’s when I say: God, where are you?


 

It was when I was studying abroad in college that I really began to feel His presence. I especially felt it one time when I was in a foreign country trying to meet one of my best friends. I was riding the bus to see her, but my phone stopped working. I found out how in each country, the service of your phone might change, causing it to not work properly. This meant I couldn’t call her. I started freaking out.
 

Complete panic mode started taking over.
 

Here are I am around the world, knowing no one and I’m in a country where they barely speak. How could this happen? Now, I know this is not a heart-wrenching moment completely, but try putting yourself in my shoes. I was scared. Freaking out. Because even once I got to the destination, I still didn’t know where she lived. I was in complete freak-out mode.
 

I started to pray. I mean I really prayed that the situation would work out and that she would be able to find me. As we approached the destination, I saw her walking towards where we were. I smiled and thanked God. That was one of the beginning moments of my faith journey. I know it’s not a huge, miraculous situation, but it shook me. I felt God more than ever and I realized that though I feel like He is in the background or may not be there sometimes, He is. He is always working behind the scenes, even when I may not know. That’s part of His character.
 

(Photo: iStockphoto/ Thinkstock)

(Photo: iStockphoto/ Thinkstock)

More and more, even in deeper moments when I wanted to give up on life or did not see a way out of a situation, there would always be something miraculous to happen just to let me know that God was looking over me, that He was watching me. I know that He continues to watch over me and that He is watching over all of us.
 

In a world with so much terror, heartache, and unknowing times, it’s hard to believe this. At times, you may feel like you are a wandering soul trying to get through life. But that’s not true. You are here for a purpose and God is watching over you, helping to you towards fulfilling it. He is always with us – in our good times and bad. We simply have to believe deep down that He is.
 

I may not always understand His ways or why things happen, but I do know He is the Creator of Heaven and Earth. He is Sovereign over all. And so, even with all that I face, I know He is constantly with me. I just have to decide to trust, even if it seems illogical. I have to decide to take moments to feel His presence and to ask Him to show me that He is there. And He always shows me and I believe He will continue this. That’s why even though I may not always feel like God is there, deep down I know He is.
 

Here are some songs that remind me of how He is always there:


It Is Well by Kristene DiMarco & Bethel Music



 
 

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong UNITED



 
 

Hope In Front of Me by Danny Gokey



 
 

He Knows My Name by Francesca Battistelli



 
 

Background by Lecrae Ft. Andy Mineo