Weight gain doesn’t equal recovery.
Let me explain myself. The presence of low weight or picky eating alone doesn’t specify the presence of an eating disorder. In my hyper-aware state upon returning to “the real world,” this was something that I could not wrap my head around. How could people that have a low weight and be restrictive not have an eating disorder like me? How could they “get away with it,” unlike me?
My illness at this time was desperately trying to justify its place in my life. Truth is, at the time I was struggling with all of these questions, I was out of treatment and in my “healthy weight range.” I appeared fine, the general population would have assumed I was fine, but I was still deep in the grips of justifying this new kind of life that was being “forced” upon me.
(Photo courtesy of Proud2BMe)
Behaviors, habits in particular, are tricky and interesting things. When I was in middle school, I had a horrible habit of biting my nails. It was an action of comfort for me, no matter how painful or upset it made me. I could not break the habit—or so it seemed.
So much of our happiness today, especially in my generation, lies in instant gratification. My eating disorder behaviors were my form of instant gratification at that time of my life. Nail biting was my instant gratification in a way in my middle school years. Both brought a feeling of comfort to me in this uncomfortable life.
But where has instant gratification gotten us? Recovery is attainable. The life you want to live can start today. Life is in session. You just have to be willing to show up…
To continue reading the rest of the story from our partner, Proud2BMe, click here.
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