Throughout my life, themes of death and creation cycles have constantly showed up–proving to me that endings are beginnings and wounds are beauty marks. I encourage everyone reading this to experience today with a sense of surrender.
I feel strongest when I surrender.
I know a lot of women just gawked at this sentence and ran to grab their diplomas and employment offer letters.
But allow me to explain.
I was taught growing up, that through my educational accolades I would have the freedom to never have to depend on anyone. With this knowledge, I made it my mission to not only seize as many opportunities to travel during my time in college, but also to attain as many degrees as I could! So after acquiring my third degree from USC (Fight On! x3) and moving from LA to NYC on my own, I let my life be the proof that those beliefs instilled in me as a child were true: Education=independence.
While education did afford me many opportunities that I wouldn’t have been granted otherwise, there was one thing it could not do: protect me.
After working for a small cable network in NYC for nine months, the office abruptly closed. On top of that, a chronic skin condition I have struggled with most of my life, worsened to a point I was debilitated health wise. So there I was—jobless, with a painful, torturous skin issue, and a Master’s.
“‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.” ~Zechariah 4:6
I had put so much stock into my own achievements and my own ability to create my own revenue independently, that I had to be reminded where the true source of my stability and strength lies.
The whole ‘independent woman’ rhetoric must die amongst Christian women because the goal is to be dependent/reliant/and surrendered to the cross. Your point of strength is in submission to His will, not to your degrees, not to your apartment, and not to your job—because all of these things can be gone in an instant.
The impermanence of our earthly existence is a reality we have to understand now as young people. The “roller coaster” of life is never going to stop. I sincerely thought after college, life would be a linear straight up shot for me—but it’s not. Life is backwards and forwards and sideways and upside down. When I lost my job, I realized, I am 23 and this is happening, but this is also happening to people in their 50s or 60s who have children, homes, a wife, a husband, and aging parents to take care of.
None of us are exempt. What we are entitled to as Christian people, is PEACE. Peace that surpasses understanding.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” ~John 14:27
Why did Jesus specify that he doesn’t give what the world gives?—Because everything the world offers is fleeting. Peace is your eternal inheritance.
In this peace, I’ve learned that praying for/being attached to a specific outcome is futile. Instead, I pray for God’s will to be done. I didn’t pray for God to give me ‘this’ job, I prayed for God to give me the job He wants me to have. I didn’t pray to “stay in NY,” I asked God to open my heart so I will be able to move if He wills.
There is beauty in this release, because the creator of everything good and perfect in this realm and beyond, is in control.
Submission to His will is where I have found my strength, woman. Where is yours?
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