Most of us battling eating disorders can identify with the negative thoughts that make us believe being thinner and losing weight will make us happy.
Eating disorders are about so much more than a drive for thinness, but that pursuit is usually one of the catalysts that leads us deeper into behaviors, and it’s often one of the reasons so many of us in recovery find it difficult to fully let go of the eating disorder and find freedom.
I want to share a piece of wisdom I learned during my struggle that has continued to impact me and help me choose recovery each and every day:
What is more important to you: the size of your body or the size of your life?
At the onset of my eating disorder, and for the duration of my struggles with the anorexia and bulimia, I desperately believed that having the perfect body would solve all my problems. I thought that if I was skinny, I would be beautiful, and if I was beautiful, I would gain confidence, win people’s friendship and affection, finally gain the courage to participate in life, and ultimately, find happiness.
The thing about that sort of happiness though is that it’s extremely short-lived.
I wanted to be loved and accepted. I wanted to feel seen and heard and validated. I wanted to feel appreciated and significant. I wanted to feel connected and like I belonged. I wanted to feel like I mattered. All of those feelings are so normal and valid. They are things that most of us want and need. But I never realized that I didn’t have to sacrifice myself or achieve perfection in order to find them. It took me a long time to recognize that staying in my eating disorder made it so much harder to receive the love and connection I so desperately wanted.
To continue reading this story from our partner, Proud2BMe, you can click here.
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