Recently, my university invited me to apply for their continuing students Honors Program.
One requirement in the application process was to submit an essay addressing this topic: It has been said that a society is measured by the questions it asks. What would be your question?
Naturally, this task sparked much uncertainty within me as I could not decide what universal question I should write about:
Why are we here?
Does life have a meaning?
What happens after death?
Although I’ve thought often about these questions, they did not feel quite personal enough to me. After much deliberation, I decided to explore the feeling that arose the most while writing this essay: uncertainty.
I have dealt with uncertainty my whole life and often worry whether others are gripped by this feeling as much as myself. I hope that in sharing my thoughts on uncertainty, I might reach out to others who feel the same way. If a society is measured by the questions it asks, then this society would be characterized by its uncertainty.
(Photo: David De Lossy/ Digital Vision/ Thinkstock)
Uncertainty is in every part of our modern, western, industrialized society. The different career choices, the different lifestyle choices, even the different foods available all show how many choices we have the the pressure to make the best possible choice in every aspect of life is on each of our shoulders.
Also, there is a constant debate over what choices or what kind of lifestyles are the “right” ones. The question of are we making the right choices speaks to different societal definitions of success: be it fame, money, power, or our own desire to live meaningfully and creatively.
Am I going in the right direction?
Are those around me just as lost?
The older I get, the more weigh each decision I make seems to have. Choosing classes for the semester feels more and more like narrowing down future paths my life could take. Summer jobs and internships all funnel me more narrowly into a version of myself that does not yet exist.
I must be sure each decision that I make is the right one. Each thought makes each decision all the more stressful. What if that philosophy class I almost took last semester was my calling and I missed it? What if I had taken summer courses, would I have been better off?
Overall, this question speaks to my personal anxiety of whether I will attain success and how I define success for myself. Being the daughter of immigrant parents, and an immigrant myself, success is tightly bound to high academic and professional achievement.
For me, a degree and successful career is a reflection of how much I value the efforts and sacrifices made by my parents; It represents my love for my family and responsibility as a daughter. However, that is not by any means my only definition of success. I value my creativity and independence as much as highly as my familial ties. So the paths I take must then accommodate these facets of my personality.
We’re only given one life, one body to make decisions. And that’s coupled with the fact that we can never really know where a decision will lead us until we’ve already made that decision. So how can we know what’s the right choice?
It matters to me because of the responsibility I feel over the consequences of my actions. I want to be a helpful and proactive global citizen whose actions benefit not only herself but those around her. It isn’t enough for me to simply “consume,” I want to create meaningful connections and positive change in my community.
(Photo: iStockphoto/ Thinkstock)
Because of this, I feel obliged to constantly question my own actions. I fear negative consequences my actions may have for myself as well as for others. Am I being socially aware, environmentally responsible, fiscally savvy?
I have learned that being self-critical helps me to shape my life positively to an extent but there comes a point where I must stop worrying whether my school, my major, or my summer jobs will lead me exactly where I want to go. I must have faith as long as I feel passionately about what I am learning, creating, and supporting, I will be alright.
Ultimately, I do not believe I will ever know whether I made the best possible choices or lived the right kind of life. My personal definitions of success often change and will continue to evolve as I learn more about myself and the world I inhabit. I plan to keep learning and changing as long as I live. More importantly, I believe that others will keep wondering whether they are going in the right direction as long as there are choices to be made.
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