I know it has been quite some time since I have written an article. Some of my devout followers may be wondering the reason of my paralysis.
All I have to say is that depression is real.
I am not going to divulge every detail of my depression since I still have to explore it myself. But I have noticed one thing in particular, that it is important to allow yourself to release these emotions.
Although I am open about discussing my bipolar disorder and I am an advocate, there are still many aspects I keep to myself since they can be extremely painful to explore. This depression paralyzed me. I have not worked out as much as I have wanted to, my eating habits changed, I stayed in my bed and refused to go outside, I did not work, and worst of all, I did not discuss some of my feelings to my closest friends. Even though I did go to counseling, I noticed that counseling does not work if you are not willing to explore emotions you are safeguarding.
However, I would argue that part of the cause of this depression was worsened by patriarchy and racism. The recent murders of unarmed black men exacerbated my depression. Our men and women are dying out there, but many people forget that these murders can also exacerbate depression. White privilege and complacency limits our ability to explore these emotions since many try to police our emotions.
One can instantly go on Facebook and see a plethora of people commenting on our worth as human beings and valuing destroyed edifices more than a human life. What are my opinions on these people? How dare you…
McAfee: Injustices in our community continue to be seen today, and our denial that these issues do not have immediacy contributes to our frustration and an inability to express our feelings.(Photo: iStockphoto/Thinkstock)
You have no right to tell me how to feel. You have no right to tell the oppressed how to react to oppression. The cause of these injustices stem from a system that stymies our communities due to your ancestors. These injustices in our community continue to be seen today, and our denial that these issues do not have immediacy today contributes to our frustration and an inability to express our feelings since we keep policing them.
Additionally, the idea around masculinity in our society made it difficult for me to deal with my emotions. Academically, I understand that I should not allow myself to be succumbed to this. However, academia does not combat society’s expectations of masculinity. I often refused to allow myself to cry because I saw it as a sign of weakness. Little did I know that crying is truly an act of healing.
Sometimes we forget to allow ourselves to feel or express our emotions to loved ones because we do not want to feel like a burden. Once I spoke to people who cared about me, provided support, and reaffirmed that I am a worthy individual, I was able to snap out of a dark place. Although I got into my first choice program for my Master’s in Public Health, depression clouded my judgment and at times disallowed me celebrate this accomplishment.
I would like to say that depression can be extremely crippling. As an ally, please do not tell consumers to “snap out of depression” since often times it can be chemical. However, providing support and re-affirming that there are places they can turn to for support is vital for our recovery.
I am now working to my full potential again, and I know that even though times can be tough, if I remind myself that I am fortunate to be alive, healthy, and that people support me…the sky is the limit.
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