How many times in life were you thinking that you are better than someone else, or at least you don’t have the same problems as other people?

How many times in life you achieved some peculiar success but you did not enjoy it because most of the time you were worried about losing the position you were in?

And then you kept telling yourself that if you achieve something even higher, then you will actually be happy. Which was obviously wrong. Like an endless cycle of fooling yourself.

That’s basically the result of you comparing yourself with others in order to make yourself feel worthy.

But this can be a real bug in your life as you are trying to self-actualise and manage to have a fulfilling life. Because that is what you really want. You don’t care about comparing yourself to your friends. What you care about is to find a fulfilment in life.

Unfortunately, there are numerous aspects which trigger our need to compare ourselves to others without being fully aware of it.

The first aspect why we compare ourselves to others is that we are afraid of being labelled “weird” or not normal.

This fear is almost like a fear of death. This is why in high school we spend so much time worrying about whether we’re weird or not. We’re often worried that our friends thought we were weird because of our haircut or the way we dressed.

And this fear continues on even beyond high school. It goes on in college, then in the workplace. And really for most people, this fear just keeps going on until the end of their lives because it’s just really deep seeded pattern that we have.

Second reason why we compare ourselves to others is that we do it for motivation. We think that competition is a good thing. We like to compete with the people in the office because it gives us some sense of thrill and puts us on the edge. And we think we are doing good when beating competitors.

A lot of successful and competitive business people like CEO’s or politicians are kind of fuelled by this thirst for power. And they think that when they are number one their life has special significance that otherwise it wouldn’t have had.

But that’s the only ego issue. We want to be secure in our own top position. We want to become the alpha wolf. But after we do become alpha, then what we do?

On one hand it’s kind of nice because we have a lot of power and prestige. But on the other hand, we always feel insecure in the back of our mind because we know that the only place to go from number one is down to number two and below.

We become worried that all our competitors will knock us down off our pedestal. Then we tell ourselves that we need to compare. Because if we don’t compare one of them will rise up and overthrow us. So we have to play that game to feel secure and fulfilled.

Another reason that we compare ourselves to others is envy. But did you know that being envious is really a feeling of lack?

We think that others have something that we feel we really need. It can be either their physical appearance or intelligence. And without that thing we feel like our life can’t be fulfilled.

So these are the reasons why we tend to compare ourselves to others. We keep thinking if only I had that thing that that guy has then I would be happy. Or if only I had that kind of career or sense of networking that my boss has then I would be all set in life and achieve success.

But the truth is that comparison to others is actually neurotic and it robs you of joy and satisfaction in your life. It wastes a lot of your time and energy.

More importantly, comparing yourself to others disperses your focus from the things you really need to be doing in your life to reach self-actualization.

But this does not mean that comparison with others can’t be outgrown. In fact, the mature ego and psyche outgrows this. And that’s what I want to help you here by sharing 5 key mindset shifts that will help you to make this happen.

 

1. Self-Worth Does Not Exists

We often assume that we have self-worth and that some people are worth more than other people. But actually the truth is that no amount of accomplishments ever gives you worth in life. Meaning, self-worth is not based on what other people think of you or what you have (or haven’t) accomplished.

Here, I would recommend you to sit down one time and actually question what is worth and where does worth come from. If you sit down and actually look at it you’ll realise that this self-worth thing is just a label that our mind projects and attaches onto things.

But things don’t have worth. Although we treat them like they do, in reality they have zero worth. For example, we tend to think that our car has a certain dollar amount value to it in our house. Or we might even put a dollar amount on our children, wife or on our career. But that’s only a projection of the ego. In other words, that number only helps our mind to assess whether it serves our selfish interests.

But if you look at it, under the veil, you see that no human being or physical object actually have self-worth. Because worth is something that we create as a social calculation upon which everybody generally agreed.

If you attempt to achieve self-worth, you are losing battle because no matter how many external objects you acquire, you are never going to feel worthy on the inside. In other words, our worth is not determined by outside forces.

So you can have as many cars, houses, relationships or careers as you want, it won’t make you a better human being. None of that stuff matters in making you better human being.

Therefore, you have to recognise that you don’t actually need externals to be happy. The sooner you can come around to this, you will feel free. Because if you keep believing that some things are more valuable than others, you are going to be chasing after them. And when you don’t have them, you are going to always feel deficient.

 

2. Human Beings Are Too Complex To Be Compared Fairly

Another aspect you need to realise when you want to stop comparing yourself to others is that human beings are very complex. Comparing them is not like you’re comparing cars or business plans.

When you’re comparing two people, you are comparing extremely complex and unique organisms. And every time you try to compare two human beings, it is more like you’re comparing apples and oranges.

This is the case because each of us has different life history, different genetics, different personality, different family that we grew up with, different resources we had when we grew up, different environment. We grew up in different parts of the world, in different countries, with different governments. All of this has shaped who we are and what we’re capable of.

That’s why not all human beings are capable of the same things because we come from very different origins.

In addition to that, we also allocate our time and our energy differently. For example, some of us would like to spend all our time and energy focusing on finances and career. Then we neglect our health and relationships.

Others, on the other hand, allocate their time and energy into relationships, but then they neglect their career.

So where you put your energy, focus and all your resources determines what kind of results you get in life a lot.

Therefore, when you find yourself comparing to someone else, you really need to look at the full picture of that person you’re comparing yourself to. You cannot just say “I want to be as healthy and fit as that person on TV”. You need to look at how he is doing in all other facets of his life. Because even though his health is great, his relationships can be really screwed up. And that might be the facet where you’re actually thriving.

You need to realise that this comparison is then totally unfair because instead of comparing ourselves with all of other people’s life facets, we only cherry-pick.

Once you start seeing this unfairness and cherry picking happening, you’re really going on the right track to self-actualisation. You need to be aware of the fact that people are very different. Even though you think he is successful in one area of his life, it does not have to be the same case in other areas of his life. Try to take this into account and feel the difference.

 

3. Creating Is Better Than Competing

Instead of being a competitor and stuck in that mind frame, be a creator. Because focusing on what you want to create is much more important than competing in life.

It can be in sport, art or career. Focusing on what you have to do will make you busy enough to keep your eye off of everybody else. So ground yourself in your own work and purpose. You will feel a hundred more times more satisfied than being a competitor.

Competition is really for immature adults or children. The mature adult is a creator. He or she is focusing on things they want to create to such an extent that competition does not even enter into their mind anymore. And that’s where you want to get to.

So make a commitment and choose starting today to become a creator in your life. Don’t put yourself into the situation where you have to compete for prizes, money or validation from other people.

 

4. Focus On Self-Love

Another key way to stop comparing yourself with others is to focus on self-love. This means fully loving yourself and falling in love with you and your life.

You have to take charge of your life in a way that people who compare themselves with others don’t do. You need to shift your focus totally inward on yourself. This means that you’re treating your own life and your own mind as a do-it-yourself project.

You’re out there and always working on yourself and your self-development. You’re working on your career, finances, health or relationships. Then what happens? You become in love with that growth that comes from that so much that you’re so busy keeping on doing these self-development activities. After a while, you realise that you don’t have time to think and distract yourself with all the comparisons that you would otherwise be doing.

Don’t be one of those people who only sit and wish for change to happen. Take the ownership of your life and keep working on yourself so you can live a more fulfilling life.

 

5. Other People’s Success Makes Me Happy.

We often feel when somebody else is succeeding and doing good in their life we can’t be happy for them. The reason is that we often think that it somehow means that we can’t do as good, or it’s harder for us to get to the same place as the successful person.

But instead of being envious, you need to flip that on its head. When you see people that have something that you want, you can see it as a menu you can order and create a vision for your life.

This vision can be something you are working towards or something you’re trying to accomplish. So once you have this vision for your future, then I want you to look at that person who’s got a lot of money and add that item to your list. These are examples of what you could have had. If that person could have it, you can have it too.

So every time you go around and see people being successful in something you would normally feel envious of, just assimilate it and add it to your own vision for yourself. This vision is then going to be unique to you.

Be inspired by other people’s successes because they always show you what’s possible. That way you can convert your envy into love and into passion.

 

Conclusion

In order to stop comparing yourself with others you really need to accept yourself as you are. Now I am talking about your physical appearance because you’re never going to change that much. You just need to fully accept and love yourself as you are. Only then you can be truly happy.

Secondly, if you would like to a exhibit the same performance as someone else is exhibiting, that’s fine. You can exhibit that too. If it’s really important for you, you can add it to your vision of life, work towards it and you’ll have that same level of performance. All it takes is just time and work.

Lastly, I would like you to remember that competition doesn’t actually produce new meaningful work. It doesn’t really do anything creative. We are the ones who create. So shift your focus on creating something that has meaning for you in life and don’t get distracted by all the other competitors out there.

Let me know in the comments below which of the key mind shifts is the easiest for you to master?