Ebonee blowing out her birthday candles on her 25th birthday!
Turning 25 is a big deal.
But, it’s an even bigger deal to make sure that before you hit that age, you make sure to hit it with all that you got!
Right before I turned 25, I really started contemplating my life and lessons that I needed to learn. It was pivotal time for me, and one that I feel helped me to celebrate the greatness and truths that we develop about life as a young adult. So on that note, here are the 25 things that I think every 25-year-old should do before they turn 25.
1. Learn to be still.
Last year around this time, I decided to fully commit my heart to Jesus. I’ve been a Christian all my life, but never completely surrendered. If you ever want a test in patience, discipline and sacrifice, surrender. Likewise, if you ever want a testimony in peace, joy and unsurpassable love, I encourage you to do the same. “Be still and know” is more than a cute Facebook meme. It’s the rested assurance that God is in control, and we are completely out of control. Our twenties are tumultuous times, but our seemingly big and overpowering problems are nothing for our big and powerful God. Practice the art of worrying less, stressing less, figuring it out less. Go find a quiet field somewhere, lie in the grass and exhale in the stillness. EVERY thing is TRULY going to be all right. God promises.
2. If you’re gonna do it, DO IT.
Integrity is a word I couldn’t define until recently. During the spring of 2012, I decided to get in the “best shape of my life.” I wasn’t working at the time so I had nothing but time and energy to burn. I reached out to a personal trainer friend to help me. He would schedule hikes at Runyon Canyon, workout sessions, yoga, etc…and I was religiously late. One day he asked me to define integrity. I blathered a bunch of synonyms, and “it’s like, ya knows,” but no definition. He eloquently explained integrity saying, “It’s the discipline of doing what you say you’re going to do.” By showing up late all the time, I proved that I lacked integrity, and therefore respect for him and what he was doing for me. He furthered, “You can half workout, half eat right, half show up, and continue to be stagnant in your results. Developing integrity will not only allow you to reach your health goals, it will filter to every aspect of your life.” Integrity—pass it on.
Rice: “Be still and know” is more than a cute Facebook meme. It’s the rested assurance that God is in control, and we are completely out of control.
3. Fight against comparing.
Ya’ll. Comparisons will be the death of Generation Y if we don’t get it together. A month or so before turning 25, the quarter life crisis I experienced was SO REAL. Whoosh! I won’t get too detailed. Just know I’ve been delivered. For the first time in my life, I hadn’t lived up to my own expectations. I recalled a list I wrote in high school of things I would have/do by age 25. I don’t have half the things I said I would by age 25. I haven’t done half the things I said I would. Uncovering this truth nearly killed my self-esteem. I was in a frantic panic to travel the world real quick, make a ton of money by any means necessary, acquire a six pack abs set, purchase a ranch in the country and marry a tall Morris-Chestnut-looking brother who led a small church congregation somewhere.
Then one day in Bible study, the preacher talked about how stupid it is to compare yourself to anyone other than Christ. As He talked, the chains began to fall off. “So wait. Let me get this straight. My portion is perfect? You mean, EVERY, SINGLE thing I’ve ever experienced will work for my good?” PAUSE. “There are others? I’m not alone? Who knew?” I know Facebook/Twitter/Insta would suggest that everyone has it all together. Think. Do you post every single problem on Facebook? Do you tweet every battle? No. You instagram pics of your vacations, your new cars, your awesome jobs, etc. Girl, let that comparing spirit die. Your portion is perfect. You’re only graced to be YOU. And you are so loved and so cared for by the Creator of the universe. Move forward in destiny and purpose with the understanding that the only stick worth measuring up to was slain on two sticks at Calvary.
4. Learn how to say “no.”
Enough said. I’m still learning how to do this…
5. Change your hair.
I’ve got my nerve, I know. I’d NEVER changed my hair until a few years ago. I was bored with my usual press and curl. I went from cutting it off to a short bob, to natural styles, to twists, to color, to extensions, and back. It was soooo freeing, and I found what flatters me (and what doesn’t). I know what my hair looks like under different circumstances. Thusly, I can take better care of it, and look great experimenting with different styles. Switching it up is fun! Do so now before you’re 60-years-old with rainbow highlights because you went your entire life without ever dyeing, frying, adding or taking away from your hair.
Don’t believe me, just watch!
6. Develop a routine.
This is hard. I’m not suggesting we be boring, nor am I saying that the vicissitudes of our twenties allow for an every-day-same-thing type of lifestyle. What I am saying is that because so many things are already in transition, developing a workout regiment, community service schedule, quiet time, etc. would behoove you. Ready? Set. Go!
7. No new friends for what?
Drake, BYE! I never understood this “no new friends” craze. I’m sure around this age you’ve lost some friends. Let me explain something to you: you’ll lose even more and that’s okay! Some of y’all are missing out on amazing relationships because you’re following Drake. Stop spending every free moment with your usual clique and go to dinner with that new group of girls from your study group, or with a different auxiliary at church, or with that friend of a friend you met during game night. MEET NEW PEOPLE. I once read an article that said most opportunities come from secondary relationships (friends of friends, colleagues of colleagues, etc.). Let’s agree to expand our friendship circles, and receive the blessing God wants to give us through someone unexpected.
Rice: “Change your hair. I’ve got my nerve, I know. I’d NEVER changed my hair until a few years ago.”
8. Delete your exes from Facebook.
Okay, ladies. This is close to my heart. Saying “we broke up,” but still checking his Facebook every other day, reading ALL his statuses and double-checking his pictures for any tagged girls he has his arm around is NOT breaking up. I hate to break it to you (pun intended). Sis, press that delete button and move on. Social media has provided us an unhealthy obsession with being obsessed. Break up by any means necessary. Block them, delete your account for a while, delete all past messages, do whatever you have to do to move on in a healthy manner. Now, run to your computer and DELETE. DELETE. DELETE.
9. Ask for help.
This is critical. So often we don’t operate in our full potential because we haven’t learned how to ask for help. This is a disguise pride wears. You aren’t “too good.” You’re prideful. And it will cost you your destiny if you don’t learn how to use your resources. God places us in circles of influence to give us the tools we need to carry out our purposes. USE THEM!
10. Don’t send Sallie Mae death threats.
I’ve tried. She doesn’t respond. The underlying message here is to pay your bills. When I first started hearing from Auntie Sallie, she made me extremely anxious. Before I knew it, I had a pile of mail on my nightstand that I was terrified to open. One day I opened up to my mother, who helped me sit down and make a list of my bills, including due dates. Just having a visual of what my monthly expenses were, made me feel so much better. Finally I called Auntie Sallie, consolidated my loans, got on an income-based payment plan, and we’ve since lived happily ever after… sort of. I realized I am too young to mess up my credit simply because I don’t want to deal with real life responsibilities. If this is you, breathe, realize you’re not the only one, and don’t damn Sallie to hell, PAY HER (or defer her). That’s the only way to get her to stop calling. I know the economy hasn’t been kind to millennials, but that’s not an excuse to “live it up” while your bills pile up. That last sentence was for my friends who go on “vacation” every, other month but complain when Sallie Mae calls. Get it together!
11. Don’t let tolerance be your idol.
In other words, make decisions. There are things in this life you should have opinions on. A lot of twenty-somethings love being passionate about “safe” things, and indifferent about controversial things. Have you ever considered that you idolize tolerance? We live in a country, and in a time where tolerance is cool. Having it is one thing, and letting it control your decisions is another.
To that end, indecisiveness should be illegal. If you don’t know what to do, that’s okay. Take some time to pray. If you’re still unclear, there’s a chance you just aren’t paying attention. Nevertheless, determine in your mind and heart to do one thing over the other. Do you feel peace? That’s God confirming that decision. Do you feel turmoil? God’s not in that. Worrying and overanalyzing can cause us to miss God. Pay attention and for goodness sakes, decide! Making a wrong choice is normal. Should this happen, learn and move on. Grace awaits your bad decisions…not to excuse them, but to erase them and work for your good in ALL things.
Rice: “God has a tailor-made strategy to heal you if you let Him. It starts with you.” (Photo: Wavebreak Media/ Thinkstock)
12. Heal.
OK. I know this isn’t a command. It’s a process. Baby girl, you’re too precious to be bitter, broken and bruised. Whatever happened to you, it’s time to heal. Don’t spend such precious years hurting and afraid. If you’re struggling in this area, I dare you to “Cast your cares on Jesus for He cares for you” 1 Peter 5:7. Don’t just lay your cares down in front of you where you can pick them up again. Use your knees and just throw them as far away from you as possible. Too figurative for your imagination? Okay, how about this? Find a quiet place. Sit there and ask God to heal you. Give Him your heart and ask that He mend it, and restore you. Tell Him you’re not moving until you know what step to take first. I once sat in a quiet room for nearly an hour. I fell asleep right there on the bedroom floor in conversation with God. Though I don’t recommend falling asleep on Him, when I woke up I knew what to do.
On a separate occasion (and something I still do to this day), I began writing letters to Jesus. I tell Him all about my day, tattle on my coworkers, fuss at Him when something doesn’t go my way, annoy Him with my daily blathering, laugh with Him when something’s funny and shower Him with gratitude and adoration. As I go back and read them, I can see how He’s healed my heart from when I first began to now. The letters used to be complaints and demands. Now they’re love letters. The point is healing comes in many forms. God has a tailor-made strategy to heal you if you let Him. It starts with you. Be desperate and bold in your request. Your Father will hear you, and He can’t wait to put you back together again!
13. Say “I love you.”
I hardly ever hang up the phone without saying “I love you.” It’s important that the people you encounter leave your presence having experienced love. It sounds really whimsical, but it’s true. Life is crazy enough. Make it a practice to allow others to be consumed with love when they’re with you. You never know whose life, self-esteem, mental state, etc. depends on your love. If God is love, then I believe the ultimate expression of Christianity is loving others. I promise, you’ll find that the more you love, the more supply you’ll have to draw from when you’re feeling without. Now, go and love on folks!
14. Trust.
God. Fully and wholeheartedly. I said “I trust God” WAY before I actually did it. What I learned along the way was that it’s an everyday thing. It means waking up in the morning saying “Dad, I’m ready for today’s adventures with you. I don’t understand everything, but I trust You. And those areas I’m having trouble loosening control over, reveal them to me and help me release them to You.” Selah. Amen.
15. Carry cash.
I’m so guilty of this. I NEVER have cash on me. I find myself wanting a dollar menu snack, but not having a single dollar bill in my wallet. I hear my mother’s voice in the back of my mind saying, “Never leave home without a few dollars. You never know if you’ll need it.” The lesson here is preparedness. You’ll always need it.
16. Do WERK.
I’m not a huge fan of Cornel West, but I respect him. He hit the nail on the head withthis one: “Too many young folk have addiction to superficial things and not enough conviction for substantial things like justice, truth and love.” Another quote that sums this point up better than I ever could is: “Success in your twenties is more about setting the table than enjoying the feast,” Paul Angone in 101 Secrets for Your Twenties. Get it? You’re young and able. Get to work!
17. Care about stuff.
If I were to ask you “Who are you?” What would you say? Do you know? It’s important to learn and celebrate your identity—your purpose. Find out what you care about. Then ask yourself why you care. Give to that cause—your time, energy, money, talent. Find out what your calling is. Ask God to reveal the plan He has to get you there. He may not show you the entire staircase, but trust the journey one step at a time. Now, GO!
18. Learn the proper usage of a Bobbie Pin.
Ladies, I keep a stack of Bobbi Pins in my purse. They’re so nifty. If I’m out and can’t make it home to change before an evening event, I have a pair of pumps in my car and some Bobbi Pins that automatically turn my day hairdo into an evening up-do. Maybe I should make a YouTube tutorial on this. In the meantime, get some Bobbi Pins and you’ll soon discover their resourcefulness. I’ve unlocked a car door, aligned the straps in a dress, cleaned my laptop keyboard, you name it. Go get you some!
19. Know your style.
I’ve recently resolved that my clothing style is conservative chic. I made that up but it fits. Now, when I shop I look for things I like, things that flatter me, instead of searching for ONE outfit for ONE event I’m going to ONE time. I used to do that. I realize styles change and that’s okay. For now, I’m happy I committed to a consistent look. This isn’t for everybody, but it worked for me.
20. Declutter.
Clean up. Put away. Throw away. Let go:
Mentally
Physically
Spiritually
Psychologically
Figuratively
Literally
If it has no value, get rid of it. If it causes you pain, get rid of it. If it’s smothering you, get rid of it. If it’s tearing you down, burn it. Then get rid of it!
“Since our world is rapidly changing, keep up on your reading to remain informed about what the heck is going on around you!” (Photo: Digital Vision/ Thinkstock)
21. Let go of past mistakes.
Like Nike, just do it.
22. Find balance.
At one point in time, I went to every thing any-ole-body invited me to. I was exhausted going and going and going. But I had fun! Then, later I stopped going to so many events, meetings, concerts, parties, dinners, movies, etc. When I stopped ripping and running, I wasn’t less exhausted. I spent so much time worrying about what everyone else was doing while I was at home “resting” and/or saving money. Soon after, I found a comfortable balance. When I wanted to go out, I did. When I didn’t, I didn’t. Sounds simple, but it isn’t. As a busy body, I’m in my zone when I have a lot to do. However, I know a lot of people who are homebodies with busy body schedules…just trying to keep up. Life only passes you by if you spend it worrying about what you’re not doing. And that’s word to my Google cal.
23. Understand Order.
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding” Proverbs 4:7. “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” Ecclesiastes 3:1. All this is saying is, know that everything earthly is temporal and subject to divine order. Prioritize.
24. Read.
It’s fundamental. It also teaches you a lot. Our world is rapidly changing. Read to remain informed about what the heck is going on around you!
25. Know that all things work together for your good.
There are only a handful of things I know for sure. This is one of them: “And we knowthat in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28. Not married yet? Haven’t graduated yet? No steady job? No financial security? Still “on your way”? Rest.
Bonus!!!
Need A Massage? Learn How To Give One To Yourself And Your Loved Ones
Receiving a massage, whether it’s given by someone else or self-administered, can help loosen your muscles and establish a better connection not only with your body but also with the people you love.
